Feeling Alone

This week has been very rough, not only for me, as I am sure it has been for many.  Tomorrow morning is when I got the phone call from my brother telling me that Ciarra had committed suicide.  A phone call that I will never forget, I will never get those words out of my head.  I have been struggling with not thinking over and over about what was Ciarra thinking at this time of day, at this time of night, how was she feeling, she was smiling and laughing, what was going on.  I am really driving myself crazy the past couple of days with these thoughts and tonight they have been horrific.  TJ had a chorus concert tonight, I started to cry at the last song, why? I don’t know. I have thoughts about this but cannot go into those at this time.  My heart breaks thinking about the pain that she must have been in and the pain that her parents and everyone that loves her continues to go through.  I know I have a lot of support through this and people that I can talk to, but I do not want to talk to anyone, right or wrong, that’s what I am feeling at this moment.  That is why I thought I would put my thoughts out on here.  I know I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings, and I want everyone reading this to know that you are not alone either.  Please continue to reach out to each other, lend a hand to someone in need, say a kind word, you never now how these actions can help someone that is in need.   I miss you so much Ciarra my heart hurts daily, but more today and I am sure it will be unbearable tomorrow.  I LOVE YOU and WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!


About Dusty

I am the father of Ciarra Joi "CJ" Rhodes. I am the man blessed to have 13 and a half years with my beautiful daughter. I am also the survivor of her teenage suicide. I miss her every minute of every day! I hope this site will keep her memory alive and maybe help others.

One thought on “Feeling Alone

  1. Jill Nunnery

    Thoughts and prayers with you and your family today. It is sleeting, snowing, and gray today. The weather suits the day… God’s tears are so cold that it sleets. I mourn the loss of this sweet spirit today and everyday.

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