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By thamike.com
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Despite Pope’s Claims, God Ambiguous About Pope’s Tenure

VATICAN CITY - Despite Pope John Paul II’s recent claims, God remains ambiguous towards the matter of the Pope’s tenure.

Concerning the upcoming reappointment of the position of Pope, current Pope John Paul II stated earlier this week that God had personally told him that He wishes he remain the Pope.  This has stirred some celestially legal emotions, to say the least.

“God did not at any point communicate a wish to retain the Pope as the figurehead of the Roman Catholic Church,” a representative of Al-Hassa, Cuccinotti, Smith, Birnbaum, & Gupta, Attorneys At Law, who have been handling God’s legal matters for centuries, is quoted as saying.  “In fact, God has not contacted Pope John Paul II in at least twenty years.  God’s not even a Catholic.”

Pope
The Pope, Apparently Making
Hand-Signals To God (not pictured)

This situation is not uncommon for attorneys at Al-Hassa, Cuccinotti, Smith, Birnbaum, & Gupta.  They have handled many cases involving dubious interactions with God.  However, many cases have been tied up in appeals for a long time, the most extreme being: Islam vs. Christianity, Judaism vs. Islam, Islam vs. The World, Christianity vs. The World, and Judaism vs. Christianity & Islam.   “We haven’t even started with East Asia, yet,” a representative has said, though they did indicate that work will be done in that particular department soon.

Sources close to God have noted that He has definitely lost much faith in the Pope recently.  “Just look at him,” one source says of the Pope. “He is just blessing every object you place in front of him.  He can’t even tell the difference.” 

“God shrugs me off when I ask Him about it,” said another source, “But I don’t think He’s too keen on the guy, if you know what I mean.”

When questioned, God Himself did not offer any comment.  He hurried into a waiting limousine, leaving His personal assistant,  Hugues Delacroix to field questions.  “This whole goddamned thing is ridiculous because--,” exclaimed Delacroix.  He was unavailable for further comment.

Pope John Paul II was eager to comment, but was unfortunately incoherent.  He did, however, bless a pencil belonging to a reporter from Reuters, then adjourned to his chambers.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika


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