Faux-Newz
Now...
More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
C1
Faux-Newz Archive - All Stories By Author
Tha Mike | Russell Paika | Trev | Nerraux | Michael | GhostElf | Comic - Ticket To Hell |
Fat Chance! | Trogdor's Corner | Creu's Crisis Center | Comic - Gregory: the really angry robot |
Comic - Rip Toonz
| Comic - SJ3507 | Comic - Sum Ting Wong | Advice - Rude Words Of Wisdom |
Jason Lemons | Crushkill Quickies | Tom Cox | Lyle Graham | Phil Maggitti | Lee Camp | Submitted Stories

Tha Mike - The mastermind behind thamike.com and faux-newz.com. He isn’t very talented at anything, yet uses these two outlets as a way to get someone to notice his self proclaimed greatness. So far it hasn’t worked.

Israel Fears Palestinians Will Yet Again Crash Annual Jewbilee
Wendy's To Offer Pimpin In Small, Medium & Biggie Sizes
NBC Announces The Jefferson’s return to Prime Time
Ask Tha Mike: Making My Own Website
Teenager In Custody For Attempt At Electrocuting Father
Christina Aguilera files suit against Britney, Justin, Madonna
Bay Area Rapist A.K.A. Chilly Willy Paroled
After 9 Years Man Finally Finishes Internet
Protesters Gather For Pro-Smoking/Anti Truth Rally
Family of Shark Bite Victim Sues Shark
Fox News Sues Faux-Newz
Eagles Fan Killed After Loss
Nostradamus: A Lazy Inaccurate Prick?
Croc Hunter & Wife To Settle Custody Battle On Celebrity Boxing
The Results Are In. Women Are Really Easy!
Man Places Girlfriend On Waivers
Slinky Co-Inventor Dies In Freak Accident

Truth Be told: I think David Blain Is Osama Bin Laden
Band Geek Kicked Out Of Band
Catholic Bishop Demoted To Priest After “Jeebus” Debacle
Groomsman Happy His Streak Is Still Alive
78% Of All Civil Servants Are Gay
Man Submits Hilarious Story To Faux-Newz
Notre Dame Leaving College Ranks For The Pros
Mark Wahlberg Hospitalized After Fence Scaling Accident
Highly Respected Event Planner Fired After Huge Mistake
Black & Blue Friday Transpires In Philadelphia Mall
As Sales Of Turducken Rise Doctors Fear So Will Heart Attack Rates
Mr. T No Longer Pities The Fool
Meat Loaf Advised To Change Name
Students Put Compton Elementary School Principle In Coma
Fat Woman Seen Crying At Third Tragic Event This Month
Bobby Brown & New Edition "Kick It" One Last Time
Mini Cooper Announces The Release of New SUV
New F.T.W. Tower Will Be Seen From Miles Away
Man Falsely States He Likes Fruitcake
notreal.com To Offer Fake Products
Tha Mike's 2004 Predictions
Gollum/Sméagol Finds Work After LOTR
Man Found 15 Days After Quake Happily Surrounded By Balls
Internet Stalkers On The Rise?
Breaking News: Microsoft To Change Name
Man Finally Finds Bigfoot, Sort Of...
BREAKING NEWS: Starbucks To Introduce Coffee Flavored Coffee
Democrat Kisses Republican During Debate
Woman Does Civic Duty “Milking The Homeless”
Walrus Stampede Kills 57 At Eskimo Festival
MIB’s To Send Jackson’s Back Into Space
Jaleel White (Urkel) Flexes Back Into The Limelight
"We Were Hijacked By Al Qaeda, I Had A Great Time!"
Southern White Man Racist To Own Color
The Assassin Christ: An HBO Original Series
Osama Bin Laden Makes It To Afghani Idol Finals
Tiger, Rabbit, Honey Bee & Leprechaun Found Dead
Burger King Announces Passion Of The Christ Kids Meals
Martha Stewart To Profit From Prison Term
Study Shows Liars, Thieves & Cheaters Enjoy Better Lives
Earth To Change Rotation, Chaos To Ensue
Kerry Defines Bush
Pre-Nup Could Be Null And Void Due To Pinky Swear
Highway Crew Exclaims "We've Been Fucking Off For 6 Months"
Confusion In Iraq Causes Locals To Go Loco
NBC: "Kudrow, Aniston & Cox To Star In Golden Girls 2004"
Bush Sort Of Sorry. Rumsfeld Too, Perhaps
Ex-POW: Hate Takes Over
Satan: "With Bush In Office, My Job Has Never Been Easier!"
Plane's Wreckage Puzzles Investigators
Ronald Reagan Beats Smarty Jones At The Belmont, Dies Shortly After
Mary Kate Olsen In Rehab For Drug/Sex Addiction
Lightning Bugs Found To Cure Cancer
Americans Oooh and Aahh At Iraqi Weapons Of Mass Destruction
Bush Rash Symptoms, Causes And Prevention
Orange County vs West Coast - Chopper T-Shirt Gang Wars


Russell Paika - Born in Chicago and raised in a rusty metal box lined with the funny papers. He has written for The New York Times, and was a wine enthusiast for The Wallstreet Journal. In maintaining journalistic
integrity, he joined the staff at Faux-Newz as White House correspondent and investigative reporter.

President Bush Phones China, Repeatedly Orders Mu Shu Pork
Schwarzenegger Graphically Describes Art of Groping, Related Misogyny To Public
Gilbert Gottfried Prime Suspect In Slaying Of Rival Annoying, Shrill Comedian
Despite Pope’s Claims, God Ambiguous About Pope’s Tenure
Bush Travels Alpha Centauri, Advises Aliens On Foreign Policy
Gray Davis Gunned Down In FBI Standoff
Screenwriter Admits That The Sword Is In Fact Mightier Than The Pen
Breakthrough Drug Promises Relief, Side-Effects
Queer Eye Cast Member Undergoes Emergency Gaydectomy
Rare Footage Caught Of Nocturnal Hilton Sister In Natural Habitat
Bush Pledges To Bring Troops Home Before 2004 Election
Debris That Struck Space Station Found To Be Turkey
Horrible Wet Fart Breaches Underwear, Pants
BREAKING NEWS: Saddam Captured, Given Make-Over
BREAKING NEWS: Bin Laden Found Hiding In Saddam’s Esophagus
Sir Russell Paika’s Holiday Tip-Jar
RIAA Takes Drastic New Steps To Prevent File Sharing
So You Have The Flu… A Health Pamphlet By Dr. Russell Paika
Russell Paika’s Most Ridiculous Moments Of 2003
Russell Paika’s Travel Safety Tips
It's Martin Luther King Day, Cracker!
Cereal Tiger Euthanized After Wild Attack
Russell Paika's Valentine’s Day Tips
Happy President’s Day!
Paika For President!
NFL To Draft Female Players
Bush Drafts Amendment Banning Homosexuality
Anti Eisner Rebels Close In On Disney HQ
U.S. Warns Canada About Solar Energy Program

Russell Paika's St. Patrick’s Day Safety Tips
Bush Administration Points Out Contradictions In Comments
PETA Attacks Hooter’s Restaurant Chain
French Lawyer To Defend Saddam
Tax Tips From Russell Paika Esq.
Trump To Fire Hair
Russell Paika's Prom Tips
USA Network To Air Series Finale Of Rumsfeld
FBI Raids Huffy Co. Headquarters
Rumsfeld, Bush Apologize For Abu Ghraib Abuse
Bush In Stable Condition After Shooting Self In Foot
Remembering President Al Haig
Saddam Pleads His Case
Presidential Elections Postponed
Bush Urges Ban On Gay Divorce
Cochran: Saddam Endured Hours Of Non-Stop South Park
Dept. Of Homeland Security Raises Democrat Alert
P. Diddy Kills 27th Non-Voter In Second Week
Election Anxiety And How To Deal With It - By: Dr. Russell Paika
Russell Paika’s Thanksgiving Tips!
Bush Decries Ukraine Election Chaos
Ashcroft Resigning Door-To-Door
The Top Ten Most Annoying Things Of 2004
Democrats Claim Ohio's Nonexistence


Trevor- Trev Danger is a man, to be sure, but what measure of man he is remains to be seen. He appointed himself Washington Correspondent, and we humor him and his racist and Czarist views. Read his crap; every time you do, another angel gets its wings. (beaver shot)

FCC Fines Rice Krispies "Snap Crackle Pop"
Bush To Cheney: "You Complete Me"
Republicans Close To Copyrighting Patriotism

Hannity On Rampage: Takes Out Colmes In Drive-By
Republicans: "Liberals Have Bigger Penises"
Jesus Campaigns For Kerry; Satan Backs Bush
Tiger Woods Rips Head Off Dove, Drinks Blood

INC To Hold Convention In Historic Akron, Ohio
Media Under-Reports Missing White Woman Case
Terrorism Is "So 15 Minutes Ago"
Rick Dees Confused For Rick James, Thought Dead
Female Fans Swamp Cheney Tour Bus
Yearbook Reflects Social Divide Accurately
Texas Messed With; Oklahoma Under Suspicion
Violent Death wins "America's Funniest Home Video"
Bush Suffering From Trojan War Flashbacks
Plot Distracts from Sex Scenes, Says Local Man
Worst Massacre in U.S. History Thanks to WEZY

Hannity Strikes Again: Tucker Carlson (1969-2004)
Peterson Case Bad News For Murderous Adulterers
Bush Win Bad For Country, Good For Satire
Boston Win Forces Re-evaluation Of Religions
Geraldo / Gerardo Merger Falls
"Gaydar" Malfunction Causes Awkward Situation at Christmas Party
Steroid Use Alleged in Jeopardy Champ's Run
"Extreme Sleeping" Sweeping The Nation
Undecided Voters Likely To Vote For Kerry
U.S. Finds No Trace Of "Santa" At North Pole


Nerraux - 6'2" 225lbs of hot man-gayness. For a good time call Nerraux at 1-555-867-5309.

Mother Angelica to Release Nuns of Steel Workout Video
US Treasury to Make Spending "Fun"
Bally’s announces new "Pornorobics"
Man Pops, Can’t Stop
Powell Discovered Building Clone Army
King Ibrahim Machdullah Suzemahnik of Djibouti Assassinated
1 on 1 - Kobe vs Nerraux
White House Carpets Ruined, An Embarrassed Bush Explains
"Kidsino.com" To Debut In January
Man Runs Marathon, “Finishes” Before Realizing He's The Only One
Fart-Blocking Office Chair
Time, Hope Waning For Owner of Evil Monkey

Young Guns III: Private Schools Finally Pull Ahead
New Web Site Attracts FBI / CIA Attention
California Pulls Ahead Of Florida With Desperate Ploy
Sponsored Child Not Doing Too Well
US Military Unleashes Refried Biological Warfare
Jury's Choice Of Fate For Beltway Sniper Unconventional
Bush Announces New Plan To Lower Taxes
ThaMike.com Writer to Author Kids’ Health Text
Man Seizes Control of Sun, Sends Ransom Demand to UN
ABC, CBS & NBC Cover Geraldo Rivera In Spider-Hole
Taiwanese Butchers’ Market Human Meat
Young Werewolf Discovered & Captured
Surgeon General Announces Flu Shot Alternative
Utah Takes Next Step In Gay Marriage Battle
Bush Campaign on Temporary Hiatus
O'Reilly Calls Out King For Bare-Knuckle Boxing
President Rushes Aid To Tsunami Survivors


Michael - A High School senior in Fayetteville, NC, who love's beef jerky.

Eidos Ends All GameCube Development. No One Cares
Robert Plant's Package Alive and Well
Kool-Aid Man Bursts Through Wall, Maims Children
BREAKING NEWS: Man's Wife Asks if she 'Looks Fat,' Scrotum Still Intact
Masturbation Reduces Risk of Cancer. Feel Free to Rub One Out
Arnold Schwarzenegger "Terminates" California Fires
Michael Jackson's "The Three R's" Music Project Finally Off the Ground
Boy's Lifestyle Causes Father to Disown Him
Faux-Newz EXCLUSIVE - Joe Millionaire Spin-Off Details
Number of Military Deserters on the Rise
Faux-Newz Editorial: OSA, STFU
Georgia School Systems Institute New Education Program
NASA Scientists: "Oh shit."


GhostElf - An evil, tattooed, twenty-something, perpetual college student. He enjoys autumn weather, skating in the rain, playing acoustic guitar, singing folk music, and pulling the wings off flies.

The Rave Scene Isn’t Just For The Kids
Tiger Makes Magician's Face Disappear

30 Odd Foot of Carnage
Amish Girls Gone Wild
Faux-Newz Juges Speling Bea
Singer for the Righteous Brothers "Loses that Livin’ Feeling"
New Line Cinema Announces Prequel to Lord of the Rings
Faux-Newz Writer Goes on Strike
Local Militant Group Starts Grease Fire
X-Men III In Question
Abercrombie and Fitch Accused of Discrimination
Paris Hilton Caught In Second Scandal
Deranged Man Begins Quest
State Police Invade Sorority Houses
New Reality Show Plagued With Problems
British Question NASA Involvement In Beagle 2 Debacle
Bush Administration Files Lawsuit Against University Professor


Ticket To Hell - These comics show you Jesus like you've never seen him before! Brought to you from the twisted depths of GhostElf's Mind

GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 1 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 2 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 3 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 4 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 5 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 6 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 7 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 8 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 9 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 10 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 11 - Comics
GhostElf's Ticket To Hell # 12 - Comics


Chance McKracken - Born and raised in West Hollywood, CA. In his early 20's, he led a spirited, yet only marginally successful revolution against the use of shiny men's shirts made of synthetic material. When his followers stepped over the line and brought designer trucker hats into the main line fashion world, a frustrated Chance joined the Faux-Newz Staff as style editor and gossip columnist, in order to guide them back to their senses. He currently resides in West Hollywood, where he keeps a vigilant watch over his precious Glitterati.

Fat Chance: Your Weekly Gossip Source by Chance McKracken #1
Fat Chance: Your Weekly Gossip Source by Chance McKracken #2
Fat Chance: Your Weekly Gossip Source by Chance McKracken #3
Fat Chance: Your Weekly Gossip Source by Chance McKracken #4
Fat Chance: The Style Section with Chance McKracken
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 11/3/03 - 11/9/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 11/10/03 - 11/16/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 11/17/03 - 11/23/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 11/24/03 - 11/30/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 12/1/03 - 12/7/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 12/8/03 - 12/14/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 12/15/03 - 12/21/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 12/22/03 - 12/28/03
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 12/29/03 - 1/4/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 1/5/04 - 1/11/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 1/12/04 - 1/18/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 1/19/04 - 1/25/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 1/26/04 - 2/1/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 2/9/04 - 2/15/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 2/16/04 - 2/22/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 2/23/04 - 2/29/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 3/1/04 - 3/14/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 3/15/04 - 3/28/04
Versace Unveils New Spring Line
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 3/29/04 - 4/11/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 4/12/04 - 4/25/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 4/26/04 - 5/9/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 5/10/04 - 5/23/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 5/24/04 - 6/6/04
Rodriguez Takes On "El Mariachi vs. Natural Born Killers"
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 6/7/04 - 6/20/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 6/21/04 - 7/4/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 7/5/04 - 7/18/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 7/19/04 - 8/1/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 8/2/04 - 8/15/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 8/16/04 - 8/29/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 10/4/04 - 10/17/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 10/18/04 - 10/31/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 11/15/04 - 11/28/04
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 12/13/04 - 12/26/04
FAT CHANCE! Condi to Prez - "Quit Calling Me Brown Sugar"
Fat Chance: Chance McKracken's Horoscope! - 1/17/05 - 1/30/05


Trogdor - Just a guy from the windy city. He realizes his shares his name sake with the dragon from homestarrunner.com’s Strong Bad e-mails. He just doesn’t care. He uses trogdor’s corner as a way to vent frustrations in his life.

Trogdor's Corner - Is There Anything Better Than New Pussy?
Trogdor's Corner - Who Here Misses Dick?
Trogdor's Corner - My Ass Hurts!
Trogdor's Corner - Bitches Man
Trogdor's Corner - I Can’t Go In Public
Trogdor's Corner - I Be Strokin'
Trogdor's Corner - In Honor Of Nerraux's Union
Trogdor's Corner - Open Letter To My Super
Trogdor's Corner - Sexual Etiquette
Trogdor's Corner - Fuck You, Money Does Buy Happiness
Trogdor's Corner - The Simple Minded Public
Trogdor's Corner - Why I Celebrate Kwanza
Trogdor's Corner - Thinking About What To Think About
Trogdor's Corner - Trogdor's Way Of Coping With Holiday Depression
Trogdor's Corner - Your Best Friend Is Potentially Your Worst Enemy
Trogdor's Corner - What A Man Wants On A First Date
Trogdor's Corner - Trogdor's Tips To Staying Warm
Trogdor's Corner - How To Wash Your Penis Properly Post Prostitute
Trogdor's Corner - A Sinus Interview With Mike From thamike.com
Trogdor's Corner - It's V-Day And You Gots Noone
Trogdor's Corner - Grab Your Beads, It's Fat Tuesday. Let's Get Pissed!
Trogdor's Corner - The History Of The Blowjob
Trogdor's Corner - St. Patrick's Day Drinkathon
Trogdor's Corner - Catch Rabbits
Trogdor's Corner - How To Kill Someone
Trogdor's Corner - How To Dress For A Ball
Trogdor's Corner - How To Annoy Co-Workers
Trogdor's Corner - More Tips On How To Annoy Co-Workers

Trogdor's Corner - How To Make A Beer Bong
Trogdor's Corner - Dangerous Bomb Recipes. Pornography. Naughty Things. Et Cetera
Trogdor's Corner - Protect Your Pecker
Trogdor's Corner - Summer Brings More Fun Emergency Room Visits
Trogdor's Corner - So You Wanna Get Pierced?
Trogdor's Corner - Love Is Love
Trogdor's Corner - Ask Trogdor: Extacy


Zuecreu - Our spelling and grammer guru. He is a mentally unstable fellow who has no couth and loves to tell it how he sees it. The problem is, he is usually wrong.

Creu's Crisis Center - #1
Creu's Crisis Center - #2
Creu's Crisis Center - #3
Creu's Crisis Center - #4
Creu's Crisis Center - #5
Creu's Crisis Center - #6
Creu's Crisis Center - #7
Creu's Crisis Center - #8
Creu's Crisis Center - #9
Creu's Crisis Center - #10
Creu's Crisis Center - #11

Creu's Crisis Center - #12
Creu's Crisis Center - #13
Creu's Crisis Center - #14
Creu's Crisis Center - #15
Creu's Crisis Center - #16
Creu's Crisis Center - #17
Creu's Crisis Center - #18

Creu's Crisis Center - #19
Creu's Crisis Center - #20
Creu's Crisis Center - #21
Creu's Crisis Center - #22
Creu's Crisis Center - #23
Creu's Crisis Center - #24
Creu's Crisis Center - #25
Creu's Crisis Center - #26
Creu's Crisis Center - #27
Creu's Crisis Center - #28
Creu's Crisis Center - #29
Creu's Crisis Center - #30
Creu's Crisis Center - #31
Creu's Crisis Center - #32


Gregory: the really angry robot - An Exclusive Faux-Newz Comic that started off as a simple drawing about a robot that was extremely belligerent and just down right rude. The comc includes potty humor, b-list celebrities and the occasional anime spoof. Created, written & drawn by world famous cartoonist Joel Kenyon.

Click Here For The Offical "Gregory - the really angry robot" page


Rip Toonz - A Faux-Newz Comic brought to you from the demented mind of Russell Paika

Click Here For The Offical Rip Toonz Page



SJ3507 - Turn the name around and upside down and you'll see LOSERS. It's another Faux-Newz exclusive comic starting July 5th 2004

Click Here For The Offical SJ3507 Page


Sum Ting Wong By Msiakme91 - Is our token Asian person on this site, his comics reflect his strange life. He is just a nice guy

Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #1
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #2
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #3
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #4
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #5
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #6
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #7
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #8
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #9
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #10
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #11
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #12
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #13
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #14
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #15
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #16
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #17
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #18
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #19
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #20
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #21
Faux-Newz Comic: Sum Ting Wong - #22


Advice - Rude Words Of Wisdom - Our Soothsayer, Rude, will offer weekly tidbits of guidance to your questions about men, women, jobs, work, and anything else you can think of. Feel free to direct your questions to: rude@thamike.com or click here.

Rude operates the RudeUniverse, a collection of websites that allow you to gripe on just about any subject.

Rude Words Of Wisdom - #1
Rude Words Of Wisdom - #2
Rude Words Of Wisdom - #3


Jason Lemons - If that is his real name, is editor of Faux-Newz. Nothing is known of his past experience or background. He just appeared one day and insisted on being editor. We reluctantly agreed. If anyone knows anything about him or his whereabouts, please send us a discreet email with your phone number and address and we will contact you.

Faux-Newz Comic - The Citizens Of Deadville
BREAKING NEWS: Bin Laden, Hussein Nabbed In WalMart Raid
Faux-Newz Comic - The Citizens Of Deadville


Crushkill Quickies - We're not sure about Crushkill. If you want to dive into his personal world to possibly try and understand him visit www.crushkill.com

Crushkill Quickies #1
Crushkill Quickies #2

Crushkill Quickies #3
Crushkill Quickies #4
Crushkill Quickies #5
Crushkill Quickies #6


Tom Cox - Tom Cox is a well known AP news writer from Congo to Belize. He amazingly faxes his articles to us on time with using just a 9-Volt battery, paper-clip and magnifying glass. Don't ask us how he does it, he just does.

Dr. Steven Hawking Thwarts Muggers in Prague
Proctor & Gamble Announces Quantum Leap in Laundry Pretreaters
Italian workers strike: Productivity Reaches New High
Drastic Measures Taken to Enforce Smoking Ban
Al Sharpton Releases Anti-Black List
Bathrobes Not So Gay After All, Study Concludes
Asian Orphans New "Tickle Me Elmos"
Queer Eye's Fab Five Sued for Malpractice
Tri-Star Pictures to Release Groundbreaking “No Oldies” Romantic Comedy
Resolutions Get Stranger, Easier To Ignore
English Language To Be Phased Out By '05
Satire Genius Continues Suffering Writer's Block


Lyle Graham - On of our newest staff writers, Lyle Graham came to Faux-Newz a talented but scared man child and after careful moulding, we give him to you all man. To learn more about Lyle. you can check out his website at www.appliedhistory.org

Greenspan Warns Of Cuts In Social Security
President Bush Announces Iraqi Citizen Will Attend WTO Meetings

First Day Of Summer, Bummer For Lost Pooch
Tapes: Dubya Not Happy With Dick Operator, Get Me Jesus On The Line
Remember The Dick


Phil Maggitti - Phil Maggitti is a freelance writer and editor living in a land of virtual reality with his wife, five pug dogs, five cats, the ashes of a dozen or so former pets, and a life-size Bob Marley cutout. Phil has written nine books and more than 800 articles in the last twenty-three years. He spent the twenty-three years prior to that in a drug-induced stupor, honing his craft.

Keister Family Tired Of Being Butt Of Jokes
Brad Pitt Launches Sperm Bank

Pet Psychic Warns About Dangers Of Letting Animals Watch


Lee Camp - Comedian, writer, actor, self-proclaimed King of Nasal Hygiene. Truth be told, Lee is a boy trapped in a man's pants. He performs stand-up almost every night in NYC (nearly all of it against his will). He was a humor columnist for The Cavalier Daily for four years, has a humor book entitled "Neither Sophisticated Nor Intelligent" which has been read by five very cool people, and he can be heard on XM Radio's comedy channel. You can learn more about Lee at www.LeeCamp.net which is not affiliated with the Korean porn site www.LeeCamp.com.

Falwell Criticized For Failure To Blame Gays For Tsunamis
In Response To Tsunami Disaster, President Bush Urgently Taught Where Indonesia Is Located
Local Woman Guilty Of False Advertising, Ass Not "Bootylicious"As Pants Asserted
Bathroom Cleaned In Exchange For Sex
Barney Resigns As White House Pet, Replacement Speculation Begins
Nose, Fantasy Football Team Picked
Mentally Challenged Teenager Never Criticized For Being Raging Racist
Barbecue Sauce Tanker Crashes Off Florida Keys, Countless Wildlife Marinated
Homeless Comedian Unable To Come Up With Funny Sign
Hasbro Introduces Toys Designed To Choke Only Dumber Children
Modern Art Exhibit Understood Exactly Right
The Christmastime Beating Of Jessica Simpson Scored Big In TV Ratings War
Bush Condemns Poorly Rigged Elections In Ukraine


Submitted Stories - Stories/Newz submitted by faux-newz.com viewers.

Nerraux Voted THE Gay - By Joe Hallenbeck
M.J.'s Mind & Music Returns - By Blacklabel
Lawsuit launched against Verizon’s “Can you hear me now?” Ad Campaign - By Abe S

Spread Your Legs And Fly, Butterfly... By Blacklable
Breaking News: Jessica Simpson Critically Injured - By Blacklable
New “Weed” Growing on Yale University’s Hallowed Walls Is Not Ivy! - By Abe S
California Extends FMLA Benefits for Pet Care - By Dr. Dave
"Sober" Jury Finds Millionaire Psycho Innocent - By Everythingisayistrue
Painting Not Worth 1,000 Words - By Everythingisayistrue
Man Sues RIAA - By Ace T'Ken
Michael Jackson Fingers Bubbles - By Dr. Dave
Boy, 9, Detained At Guantanamo Bay on Little Fucking Bastard Charge - By Everythingisayistrue
A Moment With Britney - By Blacklabel
White House Reveals Urgent And Immediate Need For Translators - By Abe S
First Annual Lynch Awards - By Ace T'Ken

Video Game Violence Reaches New Heights, Awesome, Chimes 13-year-old - By Everythingisayistrue
Two Top-Ranking Al-Qaeda Operatives Nabbed In Northern Iraq - By A Highranking US Official
Holiday Seasonings - By Gary From TSHIRTHELL.com
Consumer Group Releases Annual List of Unsafe and Age Inappropriate Toys - By Abe S
President Bush Critically Injures Man With Golf Ball - A High Ranking US Official
“Secretary Ridge Raises Terror Leve" - By A High Ranking US Official
Film Discovery Prompts Scientists To Simplify Crossbreeding Project - By HangoverMS
New Bush Campaign Ads Focus On Reelection, Godliness - By RU SIREUS
Bush Makes Another Empty Gesture To Brown People - By RU SIREUS
Hearing Impaired Gay Couple Anxious For Iowa "Cock-Us" - By D-Mon
John Kerry On Caucus Win, "Cooler, Misshapen Heads will Prevail" - By D-Mon"
Horse And Buggery - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com
Semen Approved By Atkins Institute - D-Mon
Lewinski To Hum A New Tune - By Dr. Dave
Rock-Ribbed All American Conservative Voice - By Abe S
You Are All Pathetic Sheep - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com
Local Evironmentalist Dead At Age 46 - By Dr. Dave
Dasher, and Prancer Up For Arbitration -By Everythingisayistrue
FDA Approves Do-It-Yourself Home Vasectomy Kit - By Dr. Dave
The Pissing And Moaning Of Christ - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com
Ivan Youngblood Speaks - By Ivan @ TSHIRTHELL.COM
Bush Announces New Anti Gay Marriage Tactic - By Hugo Flores
Where Is The Love? - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com
Bush Unveils New Campaign Strategy - By Everythingisayistrue
New Winner's Platform Will Be "I Before E Except After C." - By Jim Manzeer
Bush Admits TV Ads Are A "Sham" - By A_High_Ranking_US_Official
"Real" Papa Smurf Caught In Sex Scandal - By Joel The Artist, Not The Cartoon
Kerry Tells Stories Of Hippy Days - By A_High_Ranking_US_Official
Rumsfeld Pleads "Not Guilty" - By A_High_Ranking_US_Official
McDonald's Excites Adults With New Happy Meal - By J B Cougar
Powell Interview Deemed Too Hot For TV - By J B Cougar
Boy Born From 21-Year-Old Sperm, Drinks Beer - By J B Cougar
Simpson Says New Reality Series is Cutting Edge - By J B Cougar
Bush Announces New NASA Technology - By A_High_Ranking_US_Official
Rush Limbaugh is Transformed - By Jim (Browserman) Sullivan
Bush: "I Am Indeed A Liar" - By A_High_Ranking_US_Official

Lethal Weapon Psalm 6 - Ron Brynaert
Naked Truth - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com

Democratic Unnatural Convention - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com
You Can't Beat It - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com
Get Your Rant On! - By T.L. Shitfuck
POLL: Saddam Hussein Would Win Election - By J B Cougar
Fuck EU, Europe - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com
Here I Am, To Fuck You Like A Hurricane - By Gary @ TShirthell.com
So, I guess Superman V is out, huh? - By Gary @ TShirthell.com
My Vagina - By Gary @ TShirthell.com
The Right To Bare Arms... And Everything Else - By Carah Fremont
Republicans Take Over Country, Dictionary - By Rebecca Ingber
Evidence Mounting: Rome Was Built In A Day! - By Carah Fremont
Shecky's And Sharkey's Announce Drinking And Driving School - By Daniel Maurer
Near Fatal Accident in Overmash Colorado - By Bob Gailer
Hell For The Holidays - By Gary @ TShirthell.com
|A Day In The Life Of T-Shirt Hell - By Gary @ TShirthell.com
|He Was Hung By The Chimney, Well Hung - By Gary @ TShirthell.com


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