HOUSTON, TX - President Bush, in Houston to celebrate his father's 80th birthday, told reporters that earlier in the day he had been clinically diagnosed by a Texas psychiatrist as being a pathological liar, according to a high ranking US official.

The official noted that the President first noticed his inability to tell the truth almost 25 years ago when he told his soon-to-be wife Laura Welch that he had gotten good grades in college, and that he enjoyed wearing leather jackets and other manly attire.

“That's when I first noticed that there was a problem,” the President told reporters outside Air Force One. “I couldn't even tell the woman I loved the truth. As you guys all know, I actually did horrible in college. And what I loved to wear most were really red headbands and my Scottish kilt.”

“I decided that I had to keep it to myself,” the President said about his disease. “I knew that I had a problem. But I figured that I would go into politics at some point anyway.”

“I remember thinking to myself that this could actually be a good thing.”

According to the President, because he kept the disease to himself, it actually grew and managed to spread throughout the remaining truth-telling mechanisms in his body. It even affected him when his two children were born in the summer of 1982.

“Hell I didn't want twin girls,” he told reporters. “One girl would've been bad enough, but two? No, no, I was really pissed off. I wanted a boy, I wanted there to be another boy George.”

Bush admitted, however, that throughout the twins' lives he has always told both them and Laura how happy they made him.

“Bullshit,” said the President. “I wanted boys. All the words over the years have been lies, lies and more lies.”

By the time he was “elected” to the White House in 2000, President Bush said he had lost almost all truth-telling abilities.

"You know how George Washington said he could never tell a lie? Well, I could never tell the truth.”

Bush admits that most of what has gone on during his Presidency have all been lies. Including, among others, his knowledge that terrorists were planning to hit the twin towers, and that the alleged WMDs in Iraq weren't really there. Perhaps most surprisingly, however, was the fact that he actually dislikes the military.

“I really hate our troops. They think they're hot shit. I don't like people who think they are better than they are. They remind me of Democrats.”

Bush announced, however, that he plans to straighten himself out before the election in November.

“I just want the American people to know that I fully intend to make myself better. I want the American people to believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. I am indeed a liar, but I want to be an honest man.”

The President then leaned over to his wife Laura, who was at his side, and appeared to whisper “now that, of course, is another lie” into her ear.

To this day, over 800 soldiers have now been killed in Iraq. To this day, no WMDs have been found, nor have any scientists admitted that they were building them.

Written & Submitted by
A_High_Ranking_US_Official