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Faux-Newz Archive


To Read Stories From Previous Editions Click The Provided Links Below.

Edition 1: 9/27/2003 - 10/05/2003

* Wendy's To Offer Pimpin in Small, Medium & Biggie Sizes

* Mother Angelica To Release Nuns Of Steel Workout Video

* NBC Announces The Jefferson's Return To Prime Time

* More Articles, Columns & Comics


Edition 2: 10/6/2003 - 10/12/2003

* Christina Aguilera Files Suit Against Britney, Justin, Madonna

* Bay Area Rapist AKA Charles Stoddard AKA Chilly Willy Paroled

* Tiger Makes Magician's Face Disappear

* More Articles, Columns & Comics


Edition 3: 10/13/2003 - 10/19/2003

* Family of Shark Bite Victim Sues Shark

* Gilbert Gottfried Prime Suspect In Slaying Of Rival Annoying, Shrill Comedian

* Kool-Aid Man Bursts Through Wall, Maims Children

* More Articles, Columns & Comics


Edition 4: 10/20/2003 - 10/26/2003

* BREAKING NEWS: Man's Wife Asks if she "Looks Fat", Scrotum Still Intact

* Amish Girls Gone Wild

* Fox News Sues Faux-Newz

* More Articles, Columns & Comics


Edition 5: 10/27/2003 - 11/2/2003

* Masturbation Reduces Risk of Cancer. Feel Free to Rub One Out.

* The Results Are In. Women Are Really Easy!

* Croc Hunter & Wife To Settle Custody Battle On Celebrity Boxing

* More Articles, Columns & Comics


Edition 6: 11/3/2003 - 11/9/2003

* Truth be told: I think David Blain Is Osama Bin Laden

* Italian Workers Strike: Productivity Reaches New High.

* Slinky Co-Inventor Dies In Freak Accident

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 7: 11/10/2003 - 11/16/2003

* New "Weed" Growing on Yale University's Hallowed Walls Is Not Ivy!

* Drastic Measures Taken to Enforce Smoking Ban

* Catholic Bishop Demoted To Priest After "Jeebus" Debacle

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 8: 11/17/2003 - 11/23/2003

* Al Sharpton Releases Anti-Black List

* Boy's Lifestyle Causes Father to Disown Him

* 78% Of All Civil Servants Are Gay

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 9: 11/24/2003 - 11/30/2003

* Bush Pledges To Bring Troops Home Before 2004 Election

* Michael Jackson Fingers Bubbles

* Singer for the Righteous Brothers "Loses that Livin’ Feeling"

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 10: 12/1/2003 - 12/7/2003

* Bathrobes Not So Gay After All, Study Concludes

* Number of Military Deserters on the Rise

* Local Militant Group Starts Grease Fire

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 11: 12/8/2003 - 12/14/2003

* Mr. T No Longer Pities The Fool

* Abercrombie and Fitch Accused of Discrimination

* Horrible Wet Fart Breaches Underwear, Pants

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 12: 12/15/2003 - 12/21/2003

* BREAKING NEWS: Bin Laden Found Hiding In Saddam’s Esophagus

* Fat Woman Seen Crying At Third Tragic Event This Month

* Asian Orphans New "Tickle Me Elmos"

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 13: 12/22/2003 - 12/28/2003

* Mini Cooper Announces The Release of New SUV

* RIAA Takes Drastic New Steps To Prevent File Sharing

* State Police Invade Sorority Houses

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 14: 12/29/2003 - 1/4/2004

* Man Falsely States He Likes Fruitcake

* notreal.com To Offer Fake Products

* Film Discovery Prompts Scientists To Simplify Crossbreeding Project

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 15: 1/5/2004 - 1/11/2004

* New Reality Show Plagued With Problems

* Bush Makes Another Empty Gesture To Brown People

* Resolutions Get Stranger, Easier To Ignore

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes

Edition 16: 1/12/2004 - 1/18/2004

* Man Found 15 Days After Quake Happily Surrounded By Balls

* Internet Stalkers On The Rise?

* English Language To Be Phased Out By '05

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 17: 1/19/2004 - 1/25/2004

* Breaking News: Microsoft To Change Name

* Man Finally Finds Bigfoot, Sort Of

* It's Martin Luther King Day, Cracker!

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 18: 1/26/2004 - 2/1/2004

* BREAKING NEWS: Starbucks To Introduce Coffee Flavored Coffee

* Cereal Tiger Euthanized After Wild Attack

* John Kerry On Iowa Caucus Win, "Cooler, Misshapen Heads will Prevail"

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 18.5: 2/2/2004 - 2/8/2004

* BREAKING NEWS: Tha Mike Is Still Alive But There
Will Be No Faux-Newz Update This Week


Edition 19: 2/9/2004 - 2/15/2004

* Woman Does Civic Duty "Milking The Homeless"

* Walrus Stampede Kills 57 At Eskimo Festival

* Semen Approved By Atkins Institute

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 20: 2/16/2004 - 2/22/2004

* Jaleel White (Urkel) Flexes Back Into The Limelight

* MIB's To Send Jackson‚s Back Into Space

* You Are All Pathetic Sheep - By Gary @ TSHIRTHELL.com

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 21: 2/23/2004 - 2/29/2004

* Southern White Man Racist To Own Color

* "We Were Hijacked By Al Qaeda, I Had A Great Time!"

* Dasher, and Prancer Up For Arbitration

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 22: 3/1/2004 - 3/14/2004

* The Assassin Christ: An HBO Original Series

* Osama Bin Laden Makes It To Afghani Idol Finals

* NFL To Draft Female Players

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 23: 3/15/2004 - 3/28/2004

* Burger King Announces Passion Of The Christ Kids Meals

* Martha Stewart To Profit From Prison Term

* Bush Announces New Anti Gay Marriage Tactic

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 24: 3/29/2004 - 4/11/2004

* PETA Attacks Hooter’s Restaurant Chain

* Earth To Change Rotation, Chaos To Ensue

* Study Shows Liars, Thieves & Cheaters Enjoy Better Lives

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 25: 4/12/2004 - 4/25/2004

* Tax Tips From Russell Paika Esq.

*
Kerry Defines Bush

* Trump To Fire Hair

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 26: 4/26/2004 - 5/9/2004

* Highway Crew Exclaims "We've Been Fucking Off For 6 Months"

*
Russell Paika's Prom Tips

* Bush To Cheney: "You Complete Me"

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 27: 5/10/2004 - 5/23/2004

* USA Network To Air Series Finale Of Rumsfeld

*
NBC: "Kudrow, Aniston & Cox To Star In Golden Girls 2004"

* Bush Sort Of Sorry. Rumsfeld Too, Perhaps

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 28: 5/24/2004 - 6/6/2004

* McDonald's Excites Adults With New Happy Meald

*
Satan: "With Bush In Office, My Job Has Never Been Easier"

* Rumsfeld Pleads "Not Guilty"

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 29: 6/7/2004 - 6/20/2004

* Rodriguez Takes On "El Mariachi vs. Natural Born Killers"

*
Ronald Reagan Beats Smarty Jones At The Belmont, Dies Shortly After

* Republicans: "Liberals Have Bigger Penises"

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 30: 6/21/2004 - 7/4/2004

* Bush In Stable Condition After Shooting Self In Foot

*
Rush Limbaugh is Transformed


* Bush: "I Am Indeed A Liar"

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 31: 7/5/2004 - 7/18/2004

* Saddam Pleads His Case

* Mary Kate Olsen In Rehab For Drug/Sex Addiction

* First Day Of Summer, Bummer For Lost Pooch

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 32: 7/19/2004 - 8/1/2004

* Presidential Elections Postponed

* Bush Rash Symptoms, Causes And Prevention

* Dubya Not Happy With Dick

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 33: 8/2/2004 - 8/15/2004

* Cochran: Saddam Endured Hours Of Non-Stop South Park

*
Orange County vs West Coast - Chopper T-Shirt Gang Wars

*
Jesus Campaigns For Kerry; Satan Backs Bush

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 34: 8/16/2004 - 8/29/2004

* Terrorism Is "So 15 Minutes Ago"

*
Rick Dees Confused For Rick James, Thought Dead

*
Female Fans Swamp Cheney Tour Bus

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 35: 10/4/2004 - 10/17/2004

* Get Your Rant On!

* Bush Suffering From Trojan War Flashbacks

*
Plot Distracts from Sex Scenes, Says Local Man

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 36: 10/18/2004 - 10/31/2004 (uttershit.hey.fu)

* Bush Campaign On Temporary Hiatus

* So I Guess Superman V Is Out, Huh?

*
My Vagina

* More Articles, Columns, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 37: 11/01/2004 - 11/14/2004

* Presidential Elections Postponed

* Kerry Defines Bush

*
Bush Campaign On Temporary Hiatus

* This Is A Best Of Political Issue In Honor Of The Presidentail Election


Edition 38: 11/15/2004 - 11/28/2004

* P. Diddy Kills 27th Non-Voter In Second Week

* Peterson Case Bad News For Murderous Adulterers

*
Bush Win Bad For Country, Good For Satire

* More Articles, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 39: 12/13/2004 - 12/26/2004

* Bush Decries Ukraine Election Chaos

* Steroid Use Alleged in Jeopardy Champ's Run

*
"Gaydar" Malfunction Causes Awkward Situation at Christmas Party

* More Articles, Comics & Horoscopes


Edition 40: 1/17/2005 - 1/30/2005

* Keister Family Tired Of Being Butt Of Jokes

* The Top Ten Most Annoying Things Of 2004

*
President Rushes Aid To Tsunami Survivors

* More Articles, Comics & Horoscopes


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