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By thamike.com
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Date

You've landed yourself a first date, being that you’re not much to look at, that's quite an accomplishment. But it's only the first step to securing a smooth transition into an eventful and exciting night. A first date is about an impression. A man wants to feel that the woman he is with has not only thought about the date but also prepared accordingly. Let me help you decipher his unspoken expectations for the evening and what he wants you to do but would never actually say.

1. Go The Extra Mile
If you greet him with a big kiss at the front door he'll immediately know you are interested. You don't have to have him worrying all night about the all important kiss goodnight.

In fact if you have the time or you don't mind, a pre date blowjob would relieve all the sexual tension and you'll get to know him a lot better, faster.

2. Be Sexy, Not Slutty
Ok so you got the blowjob out of the way. That doesn't give you the right to speak like a whore the rest of the night. Act shy and timid yet you can whisper dirty thoughts in his ear or grope him under the table from time to time.

It is also a good idea to act like you are a virgin as well. Oh yeah, chew and swallow before you start to talk. That's just disgusting.

3. Be Complimentary
Tell him how he doesn't stink like the last guy you dated, tell him you love his penis and would like to get to know it better later. Tell him he is the hottest man you ever seen and you cream your pants at the very thought of him.

4. Be Curious About Him
You're nervous and trying to make sure that he thinks you're better (and more original) than the girl he was with last night The result can often be you talking, ad nauseum, about all the great things you've done in your life with out letting him get to tell you about himself. Women are better seen, not heard. Shut the fuck up for 10 seconds and let him tell you about his comic collection.

5. Act Like You Have No Confidence
It's important that you show him you have no confidence. You want him to think you need him to do everything for you and that you are just a dumb broad. Guys respect that. Smart women are intimidating because they are so opinionated.

6. Always Have A Backup Plan
Let's say you were planning on having sex at the end of the night for more than 5 minutes. Well honey, that's not gonna happen. If you want to get your fella going again, make sure you have one of your hottest female friends on standby. Invite her over, put on a show for him and you will get his little general to rise in no time.

When those 5 minutes are over, at least you still have your hot friend there. Have a good time with her. You two deserve one another anyway, it's not a guys fault that women are less evolved and don't cum as fast.

After spending 20 minutes on her, maybe you'll appreciate with what we have to deal with.

7. Leave Him Impressed
If you ever want to see him again, make sure you do things he's never seen, felt, tried or heard of before. The only way he'll call you again is if you make him want to do you again.

When he leaves get that ring bologna out of the fridge and deep throat the whole thing at the door without gagging. Us men find that extremely endearing.

Now Go Get Him Ladies!

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor


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