Faux-Newz
Now...
More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
C1
Man Finally Finds Bigfoot, Sort Of...

MT. SHASTA, CA - Every year Paul Westfield of San Bernardino, California visits Mt. Shasta to search for his "boyhood friend" Bigfoot.

This year was no different from the rest, he hiked the usual trails, left food traps and spent hours every evening calling out into the night in efforts to make vocal contact with Sasquatch.

"When I was a boy, I camped here all the time, I would always come in contact with a certain special Bigfoot. However the older I got, the less "Biggy" came around until one year I didn't see him," said Westfield. "That was 20 years ago and every year I come back looking for ‘Biggy.’"

While walking threw a meadow on the fifth day, Westfield felt that the past 20 years of trips have finally paid off. He saw a large hairy Bi-Pedal animal about 2 hundred yards away with its back towards him creeping between the trees on the edge of the forest.

"It looked like it was stalking something," said Westfield. "I wanted to make contact with this animal so I did the best I could to belt out a Bigfoot call."

Bigfoot
Malcolm Bigfoot: "I Get Confused
With Sasquatch All The Time. I
Guess I Really Shouldn't Wear
Fur On The Hunt"

Westfield continued, "I yelled, HERE BIGFOOT, HEY! YO BIGFOOT! At that moment, it turned around and yelled back, "Hey Asshole! Shut the fuck up I'm trying to hunt over here... and how the hell do you know my fucking name?"

"I didn't know what to say or do, I didn't remember that Bigfoot could talk. The time we used to spend together was more physical than verbal. Even though he had a low opinion of me I made my way over and saw that it wasn't really the real Bigfoot, just a guy in a fur coat in the middle of the woods. How fucking wise is that?" exclaimed Westfield.

It turned out that his adventure wasn't a complete let down. The hunter was not the illusive monkey man, but Malcolm Bigfoot an Investment Banker from Deer Creek, CA.

Westfield said while unpacking his SUV, "People go on these adventures all the time and never have any proof of Bigfoot. I can tell everyone truthfully that I not only saw Bigfoot, but talked to him."

A stool and hair sample were still taken by Westfield and are currently being analyzed.

"Just incase." finished Westfield.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike


© 2004 faux-newz.com - Fabricated News For The Less Than Holy!
Terms of Service: All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners.
Text comments posted on Tha Mike may not be reposted or broadcasted without mentioning faux-newz.com as the source.
C2
   
C4 C3