More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
Lightning Bugs Found To Cure Cancer

PRINCETON, NJ - A Professor from Princeton University has concluded a 11 year study this week and announced that Lightning Bugs are the missing link in humanities long search for a cure for Cancer.

"Minuscule amounts of radiation are omitted from Lightning Bugs every time they flash their hind quarters" said Professor Kadul El Prakash. "This amount of radiation is enough to kill any kind of Cancer cells they come in contact with."

The idea to test Lightning Bugs came to light in 1993 after Billy Monacacy, a 11 year old Lymphoma patient from Camden, New Jersey told his Make A Wish sponsor that just once in his life, he would like to catch Lightning Bugs.

Shortly after his "Catching" session, Monacacy went in to full remission and continues to live his life as a happy 22 year old septic tank repair man in Vulkenvania, Delaware.

"I'll Cure What Ails You!"

Professor El-Prakash said, "After hearing the heart-warming story of Billy Monanacy, I thought there had to be some kind of connection. My colleagues, chalked it up to happiness (mind healing) or coincidence, but I am glad to say that I believed otherwise and I am the reason why cancer will finally be wiped off the face of the earth. I should have thought of it sooner though. It all makes sense to me now that adults, the elderly and children not allowed outside get Cancer. They do not come in contact with the necessary radiation to save their lives."

When asked when the treatment will be approved by the FDA, FDA Spokesperson Tamara Wheatley responded, "We at the FDA are waiting to release final approval because quite frankly, we believe the Medical and Pharmaceutical communities will pay us off with billions of dollars or their industries will crumble."

Professor Kadul El-Prakash is now experimenting with beetle dung mixed with elephant urine with the hopes it will someday cure AIDS.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike

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