In the midst of the latest diet craze that is sweeping the US, a new finding from the Atkins Institute was unveiled this week indicating that semen has been officially approved for inclusion in the Atkins diet.
 
The Atkins diet, a high-protein, high-fat, and very low-carbohydrate diet usually emphasizes meat, cheese, and eggs, while discouraging foods such as bread, pasta, fruit, and sugar, has been a buzz in the media for the past several weeks.  The findings are sure to "Change the face" of the diet and possibly leave deposits on the faces of those who are not careful with the new findings, says Dr. Jacob Mehoff of the Institute.
 
Dr. Mehoff explained that though semen is actually very high in fructose-a carbohydrate-which is generally discouraged in the diet, however extensive studies in the institute and on adult websites have shown dietary results that match or exceed those of standard Atkins practice.  "Just look at the body of any pornstar" added Mehoff, "Who wouldn't want to have that..."
 
The findings came from an effort to find balance in the various components previously advocated in the diet.  Mehoff and his assistants were experimenting with various protein shakes and dietary supplements.  "Since Americans generally take the latest diet craze and blow things out of proportion, we figured we would beat them to the punch and test the effects of letting them blow something else that will provide them some protein after a good 'Shake'.".
 
The results of the test expanded beyond that of simple dieting to other areas that are generally encouraged, but not as inclusive to other diets. Exercise, being the foremost residual benefit was second only to the enjoyment expressed by the exiting test subject-himself.
 
While he admits that he was the only "Source" involved in the study, Mehoff was quick to dismiss scrutiny that he had spent most of his $4 million federal grant on prostitutes or "Assistants" as he called them, along with gallon upon gallon of liquor and a host of hot tubs.  Overall, Dr. Jacob "Jack" Mehoff was brief in his announcement as he claimed that more research was needed as soon as humanly possible.

Written And Submitted by
D-Mon