WASHINGTON, D.C - In an address to the public, this week, President Bush pledged to have all U.S. troops out of Iraq before next year’s election.
 
“I trust they will have done as much as they could, by that time,” Bush said. “We have to concentrate on getting our young men and women out of that awful, unnecessary war.”
 
He also stated that he is excited about the 2004 election, and confident of his victory.
 
“Due to the pressure from Democrats, such as John Kerry,” said the President, “We were coerced to put our sons and daughters in great peril [in Iraq].  I promise the American people that I will reverse that decision, sometime before the 2004 election.”
 
He also stated that if re-elected, he would concentrate on more important tasks such as oil drilling in Alaska, to “rid ourselves of our reliance on foreign oil,” and nuclear proliferation.  Bush also made a number of other promises to American voters, such as free beer and private massage booths at voting centers across the nation.
 
“Voters have long been forced to endure boring voting centers,” said Bush. “Next year, I promise to have available as much free beer, Lone Star that is, as you want, prior to voting.”
 
“And let’s not forget,” he added, “the free Thai massage.”
 
Bush also pledged to have a “Voter Information Empowerment Advocate” ready to advise voters in every booth across the country. 
 
“I hand-picked these fine ladies and gentlemen to help you through the voting process,” Bush stated.
 
He concluded by expressing his confidence that the American public will make the right choice in 2004

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika