White House officials made a formal apology today, on behalf of the president, for the damage caused when what Bush calls “The Space Turkey” collided with the space station.
 
“The President feels very badly about the structural and emotional harm caused by his attempt at holiday generosity,” said a White House representative. “He sends his formal apologies for those involved in the incident.”
 
The “Space Turkey” or “Operation: Star Feast,” as it is known in government circles, marks the first time a United States president has tried to launch dinner into orbit since former president Richard Nixon attempted to fling a glazed ham around the moon’s orbit to the brave astronauts in Apollo 13 over 30 years ago.
 
 
“Had we been warned beforehand,” said one space station employee, “we would have been happy to receive the Thanksgiving meal.  But it was ill timed, and the course was improperly charted.  Just seeing those dollops of cranberry sauce and orbs of marshmallow-coated mashed yams floating off into the blackness of space was sheer misery.”
 
He added, “If only the President had phoned us first.  Now the crew is almost at each other’s throats.”
 
This year, President Bush has made it a point to send surprise holiday gifts and in the case of his shocking trip to Iraq this week, make surprise holiday visits.  His administration insists that he wishes to maintain morale where it is needed, and give thanks to those who deserve it.  They have conceded that he gets a little overzealous during the holiday season.
 
“He went to Kandahar for Black Friday,” said one White House staffer, who wished to remain anonymous, “He was giving away these tacky beaded Christmas sweaters to women in burkas.”
 
After a moment, he added, “For half price.”

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika