The art of assassination has been studied
since the ancient ages for the purpose
of killing somebody for profit, revenge,
justice, self-defense or even pleasure.
It is very difficult to kill a person
effectively and not simple at all as
movies would have you believe.
Why Kill Someone
Before it is discussed any further,
you, the hypothetical assassin should
think over what you are about to do.
Committing murder is a criminal act
and is punishable by life imprisonment
or occasionally the death penalty. Is
it really worth it to kill someone if
it means you will spend the rest of
your life in prison? Whatever trouble
you are having in life there is a solution
to, that's the product of so many thousands
of years of civilization. One way of
dissuading yourself from killing someone
is to imagine that the deed is done
and try to understand what you will
do again if anything, to keep from committing
murder.
There are many tempting reasons behind
killing someone and the one that always
turns up time after time is profit.
The idea of getting rich is a powerful
motivational force benefited from by
people who are in such a bad place that
they have nothing left to lose. Revenge
is driven by emotions and similarly
pleasure. Killings done for revenge
are usually performed at the spur of
the moment at time of emotional anguish
and always result in the killer being
apprehended by the authorities. Serial
killers feel pleasure when they kill
someone, they become addicted to that
feeling and so repeat the act over and
over again until they are put away.
The reason serial killers are not easily
stopped by the police is that they usually
have no relation to their targets and
so the police cannot track them down
easily.
Assuming The Correct Mentality
Once the would-be killer decides to
kill a target person he will have to
guarantee a solid decision on what he
is going to do. To illustrate this fact
consider killing someone in the self
defense scenario; If someone attacks
you with a knife and tries to hurt you
to steal your belongings what would
you do? Would you stand still
hoping that the attacker would spare
you or would you fight for your life
till the end? To survive and kill an
attacker or your target you have to
be very clear to yourself on what you
are doing, if you have an open chance
to kill your intended target you should
do so without hesitation whatsoever.
Hesitation could be taken advantage
of by your target resulting to your
disadvantage.
The Human Body
The Human Body is a system of components
working together. Some of these components
are termed vital and if one of these
vital components is destroyed, damaged
or removed the human body will die eventually.
It is important to identify which components
when damaged will result in death so
as to be able to apply the available
techniques.
Indicators Of Life And Death
Asides from movement there are two major
indicators that a person is alive; Breathing
can be felt at the mouth and nose and
a pulse which can be felt usually at
the wrist or the neck. When there is
no pulse you are assured that the target
is going to die shortly. Other telltale
signs are brainwaves, which can be picked
up by an ECG device, but these are too
subtle for our uses.
Weaknesses Of The Human Body
There are various weaknesses in the
human body, which are advantageous to
the assassin. The brain controls the
functioning of the human body through
the nervous system and if the brain
is damaged or removed the body will
cease functioning properly and die.
The lungs revitalize blood with fresh
oxygen and this is required to feed
the various vital organs. The Heart
pumps blood throughout the body in coordination
with the lungs to keep oxygen circulated,
this blood is needed by the vital organs
to survive especially the brain. If
the heart fails or is seriously damaged
oxygen will not reach the brain resulting
in the person blacking out followed
by death. Alternatively, damaging the
major blood vessels can hamper the blood
supply. The body's nervous system is
also a sensitive area, it is protected
by the spinal cord but if broken at
the correct place the nerves controlling
the heart and lungs are cut off causing
them to fail and then death.
Kill By Hand
It is difficult to kill someone without
using any tools. The best way to do
this is to probably render someone unconscious
and strangle him or her with two hands
to cause them to asphyxiate (stop them
breathing). The brain is a sensitive
area of the body, however it is encased
in the skull which is hard to break
open without using any heavy tools,
damage can be inflicted to the brain
by accelerating it to a high speed very
quickly, this is the reason some people
faint when they are hit in the head
very hard; the best way to accelerate
the brain is to hit someone in the jaw
from the side causing the head to turn
quickly usually resulting in the target
losing consciousness. Another way of
disabling someone is to hit them in
the center of the throat on his breathing
tube, or hit them on the lungs both
causing trouble breathing. The nose
has a large concentration of nerves
and blood vessels related to the brain
so a square punch in the nose would
also render someone incapable of self-defense.
Finally using martial arts the target's
neck can be broken; a person with a
broken neck does not usually die, the
closer the break is to the head the
more probable that the nerves controlling
the heart and lungs are severed causing
eventual death.
Kill By Knife
Using a knife to kill someone is better
than doing it by hand as it gives the
assassin the advantage of using a tool.
Knife combat is the process of disabling
a foe and finally applying a fatal hit
with the knife to cause death. The first
target of a knife should be the muscles,
when severed they will not be able to
function especially true in the case
of the target's arms and legs. In such
cases not only the tendons are severed
by a knife but also nerves that control
the action of the limbs. The second
target should be the blood vessels,
which can be found in large concentrations
around the neck and limbs. To sever
the vessels in the neck the knife should
be slashed across both sides of the
neck in two rapid movements causing
more damage than one slash. Finally
the vital organs are targeted by knife
thrust techniques such as the lungs.
To reach the lungs the knife would have
to be stabbed through the rib cage,
once there it is very difficult to retrieve
it, however a hit to the lung can result
in several types of breathing complications
resulting in death if first aid is not
administered. Any stab attacks to bone
such as the skull are usually undesirable
as the knife could easily slip through
the assassin's fingers causing self-injury.
Kill By Gun
Guns are very popular tools for killing
people. A gunshot should be directed
ideally to the brain or the heart for
inflicting the best damage. In situations
where the gun is of very low caliber
the shot should be directed to the soft
spot at the base of the neck to cause
death. In addition to that a gun is
a heavy metallic object, which can be
used, damage a person's skull/brain
by impact. As an assassin's tool it
can be quite difficult to use because
of the noise it generates. It is important
to use Hollow point bullets or hunting
ammunition that expands upon entry into
the body to inflict more damage on the
intended target. Explosive and poison
bullets are also available for a more
certain result.
Kill By Poison
There are a huge number of poisons available
from nature or created by man. The effects
of poison can vary wildly and they all
have different properties. The best
kind of poison would be colorless, odorless,
tasteless, effective in tiny quantities
and untraceable by a forensics team.
Such poisons do exist and the best poison
known is probably sax toxin also known
as Shellfish Toxin; it is lethal in
very tiny quantities and causes death
several seconds after injection. Even
if someone seeks medical help after
the poison is administered there is
no way to save the target by any medical
technique known. In addition to all
that it is untraceable by any forensics
test on the body. A lot of other poisons
exist; the scope of this subject is
beyond this article. Poisons can be
given to the target orally (with food),
as a gas through the lungs (breathing),
injected into the body or applied on
the outer skin.
Kill By Explosives
Explosives are a very crude device for
killing someone. They work by using
high pressure and debris flying at high
velocities to tear a body apart. The
difficulty in this technique is that
expertise is required to control the
explosive especially the timing of detonation.
The best way to do this is by booby
trap or remote control.
Kill By Car
A car is a form of a very lethal weapon.
It is a very large 1-ton piece of metal
capable of moving at very high speeds
as directed exactly by a driver. A car
will always be more dangerous than a
gun or a knife as someone struck by
a car moving at a high speed has little
chance of surviving. This is evident
by the number of car accidents resulting
in death.
Kill By Fire
It is not usually the heat from a fire
that kills someone, but actually the
gases and hot air coming out of the
fire. When someone is exposed to those
asphyxiation will take place resulting
in death. This best way to strike using
fire is to start a fire in the basement
of a house while the target is asleep.
The fire will spread upwards and consume
the house and the person in it. Forensics
experts have been dealing with arson
for a very long time and they have techniques
of tracing the soon to be evidence in
a crime scene. Yet fire is one of the
best tools there is, a simple lighter
can carry the equivalent of 10,000 fires
in a very small device that doesn't
arouse any suspicion and is sold everywhere
openly to the public at a very low price.
With this all being said, go now and
kill... But kill wisely!
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor
(EDITOR’S
NOTE: Given the fact that we are
a news satire website, I can understand
any confusion as to how
this article wound up on it. I
tried to reach Mr. Trogdor to explain
to him that if he ever submitted such
a long,
unfunny article to Faux Newz again,
he better fucking spell-check it at
least. However, since he is in
prison
for a double homicide involving shellfish,
he was unavailable.)
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