SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Utah has been classically known for its progressive stance on relationships. The pervasiveness of bigamy in the state has been matched only by its tendency for inbreeding. Yesterday, not to be outdone by some weenie town like San Francisco, Salt Lake City’s Mayor, Charles U. Farley announced that SLC would become the first place to allow multiple gay marriages.

“It just makes sense,” argued Farley, “It’s okay for a man to have multiple wives. Now it’s okay for a man to have a husband. Why not make it so a man can have multiple husbands?”

In the rush of quickie marriages that followed the announcement, over 2,500 people from Utah and surrounding states were married in groups of various sizes. The largest group was a soul train of five guys that celebrated their new union with a nude romp in the fountain in front of city hall.

When President Bush was notified of the news late yesterday, he seemed placid and assured the press that things would be handled properly. “We will let the U.N. – er, I mean the Supreme Court – take the action it thinks is appropriate in this situation.” He then leaned back and whispered something to Chief of Warmongering Rumsfeld and made a button-pushing motion. Rumsfeld nodded and rushed out the back door of the pressroom with a huge grin on his face.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Nerraux