SAN FRANCISCO, CA - While campaigning in San Francisco yesterday, Democratic Presidential hopeful John Kerry spoke to supporters about his days as a demonstrator in the 1970s. Among the details Kerry touched upon included drug use, one night stands with “hippy chicks,” Pink Floyd, and fighting young Republicans, according to a high-ranking US Official.

“Oh man I miss coming out to San Francisco,” said the Senator. “I had so much fun here in the 70s.”

Kerry first came to the bay area with friends in 1971, shortly after his return from Vietnam. Apparently, the group had an affinity with the marijuana that was frequent in the city's rallies and protests.”

“The weed in California is something every Californian should be proud of...Back east, the weed is shit. We used to have to put our bud in coffee grinders in order to get all those pesky seeds out...But there was some groovy shit here boy. I loved it. I must have been blazed 24-7.”

According to the official, Kerry also mentioned that he was quite the “lady’s man” in those days too.

“I had so much sex when I was out here,” said Kerry. “I would find these hippies chicks right? And we would just get fucked up and fuck. And then the next morning we would say 'that was fun', smoke a bowl, and say goodbye. It was spectacular. I was quite the ladies man.”

When he wasn't courting young hippy women, Kerry says he would find young Republican males and try and fight them.

“The best thing about being in San Francisco, is that you could fight someone and then others would join in with you,” he told Michael Lippman, 32, of Livermore. “I remember if I wasn't fuckin' hippie chicks in the ass, I would go over to Stanford and try and fight rich kids...I remember one time I busted up this one yuppie pretty good, and then two minutes later these hippy dudes come up and finish the job.”

Surprised at his stories of violence, one Kerry supporter asked him why he would choose to hurt people at random. Kerry responded that he only liked to hurt rich white Republican kids.

“It's not like I hurt just anyone, just those fags who dodged the war because they would hide out in college, and then afterwards use their parents influence to set themselves up in the National Guard.”

When a reporter told him that his opponent, President Bush, did that very thing, Kerry replied that he had plans for the President.

“Oh I know and I have plans for that guy. But I'm having trouble getting to him. But if I get through his security, I fully intend to take him down. I've got the height and reach advantages.”

After the rally, Las Vegas odds projected Kerry a 2-1 favorite in the event of a fight with Bush.

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