More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
Mary Kate Olsen In Rehab For Drug/Sex Addiction

WERNERSVILLE, PA - Faux-Newz is reporting a cocaine/sex addiction is the reason why Mary-Kate Olsen has checked into Chit Chat, a Wernersville based rehab center outside of Reading, PA.

Chit Chat, well known for treating high profile celebrities and their addictions over the years has treated Brooke Shield's Anorexia, AJ from the Backstreet Boys problem with alcohol, Carrot Top's erectile disfunction and Marlon Brando for a terrible case of ingesting hemorrhoid cream.

A publicist said only that Mary-Kate checked into the rehab center to get professional help for a health-related issue, but according faux-newz.com,the star who just turned 18 years old, is battling a major drug & sex addiction. "Trust me, I know", said Michael Pilat proprietor of faux-newz.com. "I have experienced her problems first hand. I'm exhausted."

Mary-Kate & Ashley
"Mary Kate Is So Selfish, I Really Hope
She Fucking Dies So I Can Finally Have
M y Own Life... My Own Identity. I Don't
Need Her. By The Way, Do You Have
$20 Bucks I Can Borrow?"

Mary-Kate and her fraternal twin sister, Ashley, have been stars since they first appeared on the TV show Full House as babies,sharing a role. They control a billion-dollar entertainment industry that includes direct-to-video films, home decorating, and clothing lines. In May, they released their second feature film, New York Minute, a box-office disappointment.

Once male fans found out that their towels didn't come off in the movie, word quickly spread via the internet and the movie bombed. "Show some ass or titties you little whores" was seen posted on the MK & A message board.

"In recent days, rumors have circulated that Mary-Kate has destroyed our hard built empire and my life because she can't stay away from the blow." said twin sister Ashley Olson.

She continued, "Mary Kate is so selfish, I really hope she fucking dies so I can finally have my own life... My own identity. I don't need her. By the way, do you have $20 bucks I can borrow?"

In related news...

* Pepsi Cola has cancelled a multi billion dollar contract with the Olsen twins because of Mary Kate's obsession for Coke.

* Ashley Olsen to portray her sister on the Upcoming ABC after school special - "Why didn't I just choose Heroin - The Mary Kate Olsen Story".

* John Stamos arrested after stealing Joey Lawrence's "Whoa".

* Bill Nye (The Science Guy) quoted as saying "Science Rules".

* Michael Pilat still exhausted.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike

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