at least a dozen T-Shirts at every execution,”
says a P. Diddy spokesman as he loiters
around a chalk outline in Dayton, Ohio.
The outline is of Sandra Burke, who
was a 19 year-old ultra-liberal non-voter
before P. Diddy gunned her down in front
of her home. Her six-month-old
child was sleeping inside when P. Diddy
decided to keep his oft-quoted promise.
Mr. Diddy has since adopted the toddler,
naming her Q. Snuff. “Diddy
like to keep the peace. Keep it real.
He love them kids,” the spokesman
says, and disappears into the house,
no doubt to do some merchandising.
The current body count has some non-voters
a bit worried, if not completely petrified.
“I have nowhere to run,”
says one non-voter from Austin, TX.
“I sit and I wait. I try
to lead a normal life, but I know that
one day P. Diddy’s wrath will
find me.” The non-voter
lights his twelfth cigarette in a half
hour and quivers.
This is an ongoing phenomenon with no
end in sight, let alone an answer or
a comment. P. Diddy has been reticent,
to say the least, to offer any comment
about when his murderous retribution
will end. When Faux Newz called
his offices, he was unavailable for
comment, apparently because he was “away
on out-of-state business” and
could not be reached.
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer