Pharmaceutical giant Oral-B Laboratories announced today that they have signed New York fashion designer Monica Lewinski to a three year contract to promote the use of their products. Monica will work closely with their current spokesperson major league pitcher Randy Johnson. Initially, the thirty second television spots will focus on Johnson while Monica will hum the jingle.

Director of Public Relations, Heywood Jablowme, told Faux News that Monica was chosen because of her white teeth and creamy complexion. "She just blew us away. We will be introducing a new line of lip gloss and facial conditioner, and believe Monica will be perfect for the job", lamented Jablowme.

Lewinski has previously worked as a spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Her contract was not renewed as her commercials did not appeal to viewers without wide screen televisions. Her replacement, former first lady Hillary Clinton, has been met with similar criticism.

Written And Submitted by
Dr. Dave