WASHINGTON D.C. - An unnamed Federal Agency has announced that 78% of all Policemen, Fire Fighters & Paramedics Are Gay.
 
The news has sent shock waves throughout the nation as homophobes everywhere realized that at some point or another they have definitely come in contact with a homosexual.
 
“I feel sick in my stomach,” said Kirk Flowers, a construction worker and self proclaimed homophobe from Sioux Falls, Iowa. “I thought it was just my over-active imagination, but when I was stopped for a broken tail light last week, I could have sworn the officer who pulled me over had a dildo sticking out of his ass.”
 
“Mr. Flowers is not the only one with these types of experiences. An elderly gentleman is currently in suit with the Buffalo Fire Department, claiming that he allowed a group of firemen to use his bathroom when a neighbor’s house was on fire, and when they left, he noticed a dead gerbil in the toilet, candles, glasses with tiny umbrellas in them, and Liza c.d.s everywhere.”
 
He continued , “There is a lady from Miami Beach who was fingered by paramedics when she was choking on a hamburger in McDonald’s. The paramedic insisted she was trying to open an air hole so the victim could breathe.”