Faux-Newz
Now...
More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
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Get Your Rant On!

As the weeks wind down, and partisan rancor is getting more and more bitter on each side (but mostly on the part of those fucking Republicans), it seems that a new call is needed, a call for a return to civility. A new spirit of togetherness that will unite us against the common enemy of whoever the fuck it is we're pissed off that week (hint: look for an American flag on the Eiffel Tower next January).
 
But I say...fuck it. Fuck bipartisan action, fuck getting together, fuck letting the Republicans getting away with this shit about "flip-flopping" and so on. Just fucking fuck it.
 
I say to hell with the President, he's a fucking retard. We all know it, I just had the cahones to say it. Muthafucka better watch his ass come November, I might have to get my posse together and cap his sorry white ass. In case the Secret Service just tapped my phone line and is now setting up a raid on my mountain compound, let me say I was in jest. I won't kill him, I'll just ram a red-hot poker up his ass.
 
Fuck the Presiden't wife, fuck his kids (I'd like to fuck the hot one, not fugly Jenna but What's-Her-Name), fuck his parents, fuck his money, fuck his "homespun common wisdom", fuck the fucking Patriot Act, andwill someone please tell Lee Greenwood his fucking career's been over since 198-fucking-4?!
 
Fuck Dick Cheney, I hope he has a massive heart attack...and then has to watch his lesbo daughter gettin' it on right in front of his comatose ass.
 
Fuck Fox News, sons-a-bitches never tell the truth. Well, except for that one time Iraq bombed the shit out of us, and we had to invade them to make up for it. Thanks, dickless wonders.
 
Fuck the GOP. Yes, the fucking GOP needs to go the way of the Know-Nothings, the Whigs, and the Southern Democrats. Muthafuckas been giving us a bad name as a nation.
 
Fuck country music. After Johnny Cash and Willie and Waylon, you're just a bunch of botoxed trailer park whores and small-dicked pansy-ass faggots in cowboy hats. Fuck Toby Keith, fuck the whole "we hate the Dixie Chicks" shit. You motherfuckers in Nashville wouldn't have any cash if it weren't for those fat asses. Quit your whining and assume the position.
 
Finally, fuck Florida. Fuck 'em in advance, if they're planning a repeat of Indecision 2000. Fucking hurricanes are a sign from God, you jackasses. You fuck with America, you will get fucked. I'm sorry but that's the way it goes.
 
Fuck me, I'm tired. Fuck this shit, I can't wait for Bush's early retirement...unless any of you fuckers are planning on wasting your votes on Nader again. In that case......fuck you, assholes!

Written & Submitted by
T.L. Shitfuck, Angry American


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