Racially, Fort Needy is one of the most
diverse cities in mid-west southern
Ohio, with an average of 74% Caucasian,
23% African-American, and a new foreign
exchange student from Paraguay. The
groups that have formed in Harding High
are not based along solely racial lines,
we have our share of white people,"
said Tyrone Bryant, 18, the captain
of the football team, basketball team,
baseball team, and co-captain of the
chess team, of his "jocks"
subculture, "but mostly it's just
us brothas and the white cheerleaders
at our table in the lunchroom. One time
a nerd tried to take my boy Orenthal's
seat, we pantsed the motherfucka in
the guys' bathroom."
Overall, the proposed yearbook is divided
into the various social stratas that
populate the school. The popular kids
get the biggest pictures and the most
pages, the jocks are second, then the
nerds, spazzes, and dweebs make up the
remainder of the tome.
"We're thrilled that we get pages
74 and 75," nerd spokesman and
chess club co-captain Brian Wingo told
me. "For so long, we've yearned
to break the page-100 barrier. I was
hoping for something more modest, like
page 99 or maybe a half of page 98,
but this is just too much."
The activities sections are together
with each class (the popular kids have
the 'popular' groups, the jocks have
the sports teams, and the nerds and
spazzes battle over the academic team,
the chess club, and the model-building
team), and there is even mention of
the lowest-ranking social group (students
who identify themselves as "rednecks",
a crude derivitation of the Southern
stereotype involving trucks, gun racks
and membership in 'Future Farmers of
Prinicipal David Franks, who oversaw
the yearbook's more relevant turn this
year, is pleased with the results. "For
years, we couldn't tell which students
might be potential threats," he
said, in reference to the all-new "Trouble-makers"
section (which includes broody Cure
fans and sensitive poetry-writing girls,
as well as "A" students in
history, Shop, or Driver's Ed.). "Now,
we've got them all in a handy little
section. Easier to keep tabs."
The new yearbook isn't scheduled to
come out until the close of the spring
semester, but already it has several
more pre-orders than the previous year's
And the book is even available outside
of Fort Needy: as of this writing, it's
number one in pre-orders for Amazon.com's
special "yearbook" section.
Will the following year's yearbook be
as well-done and worthy of praise? Incoming
junior editor Felicia Moorman (who will
oversee her senior class's attempt)
is eager for the task ahead.
"With the influx of Mexican-Americans
thanks to the new factory over in Hayes
Landing, we'll have to be on the ball
about including them, especially if
they infiltrate one or more of the social
classes". (The smart money, insiders
say, is on the jock class, because "many
recent immigrants excel at running and
jumping over barb-wire fences,"
Coach Ed Lyman said).
Moorman continued, "I really think
the yearbook this year will certainly
raise the standard for identifying who
fit in where, but they've done the hard
work of figuring that out. Now all we
have to do is follow their example.
I can already tell you the nerds will
be more prevalent, though, meaning a
possible move up to page 73. But there's
plenty of time for them to hit puberty
before that happens."
In the cut-throat world of yearbook
publishing, Harding High's "Fighting
Buttermilk Cows" may have set a
new bar, but it's only a matter of time
before other schools surpass it.
& Submitted by
Trev Danger -
On The High School Beat