"This is edgy, raw, pure comedic
stuff," Dan Van Atta, the show's
producer, said Monday, as news of the
violent video's victory spread. "We
hope to honor Wayne(sic) Gary(sic) and
perhaps even help catch his killer.
Then again, five grand certainly would
come in handy for his family, and gosh
all to heck if it wasn't hilarious.
Thanks for going out in style, Wayne!"
ABC, which owns the show, said in a
statement that it "in no way endorsed
the murder of convenience store clerks,
unless of course it's rib-splitting
hilarious." Network representatives
have declined further comment.
The Gerry family, while thankful for
the needed money, were ambivalent about
their late father's death being treated
in a humorous light.
"Duane was good people," widow
Opal Eugenie Gerry, 34, told this reporter,
"and I don't much know if he needs
to be making fun of. 'Course, we could
use the money, Junior here's got a club
foot and I sure do love them Moon Pies
they sell at the store."
Randy Gerry, 16, has taken over his
father's midnight-to-three shift for
now, and his youngest son Robert E.,
9, is being groomed as the eventual
successor. The Sphinx home office awarded
Duane a special "in the line of
duty" medal and a set of steak
knives for his ability to keep "that
friendly Sphinx smile" even as
he lost his battle with the onrush of
death.
Van Atta has stated that, as part of
the show's new endorsement of fatality-related
videos, the prize money could go up.
"We're breaking new ground, and
we think America is ready to laugh at
the misfortune of others."
At press time, Van Atta confirmed that
another video, showcasing the horrific
dragging death of a small child in Wisconsin,
was in consideration, and was being
dubbed with "goofy" sound
effects from the show's old host, Bob
Saget.
Written
& Submitted by
Trev Danger - Entertainment Guru
(I have a script, I think it's...oh,
you just want to enjoy your lunch. Sorry,
I'll get your check...)
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