The new Magnus makes a real statement about the person bold enough to drive it...

"Seeing that I live in the city I would not be able to drive the Magnus I just ordered, but it's nice to know if I could it's sitting in a field 20 miles out side of town waiting for me." said, Dane Lesner while leaving the dealership.

When asked if he felt bad that his newly ordered vehicle would only get 1 gallon of gas per mile and the emissions are worse that a 60 year old city bus, Lesner replied, "Yeah I guess it uses up a lot of fuel, but it has a 200 gallon gas tank and dad is fucking loaded so what do I care. Sure I'm changing the climate, but my mommy says I'm worth it!"

Magnus salesman Richards Facet said of the behemoth, "The new model will bring Mini to those with a small penile size looking for the biggest vehicle possible to over compensate their little problem. It's also a big hit with successful underachievers".

This Faux-Newz writer believes that "successful underachievers" means people with rich parents and not a care in the world.

Facet finished, "BMW knows how to sell these things. With the right marketing strategy and a zippy slogan, these bigger, dirtier Mini's are bound to sell like Budweiser in a sports bar during a NASCAR race. I think the Germans are thrilled to take a British product and put the American gas-guzzlers to shame. It's kind of a we're still bitter about WWII thing."

The American Auto Manufactures association could not be reached for comment but it is believed that Ford is currently developing a Pinto the size of a DC10.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike