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Mother Angelica to Release Nuns of Steel Workout Video

NEW YORK, NY - The Eternal World Television Network announced today that one of their most recognizable faces - that of Mother Angelica - will be appearing as the leader of a new workout video series marketed toward the convent-bound. Each tape will feature a set of ten-minute exercise sessions designed to rid the Chosen of their "holy-rolls".

" When I noticed my sixth chin beginning to develop," explains Mother Angelica, "I knew that the round-the-clock battle with evil was strengthening my spirit, but doing little for my figure." So she gathered
six fellow blessedly bulging sisters, created a full program, worked up some millitary-style chants, and put it all together with a good beat that makes you want to jump right to heaven.

"It's easy to have too many beers during poker night in the convent's basement. It's easy to have too many pumpkin muffins at every bazaar you go to. It's too DAMN easy to eat all the doughnuts and pastries and cakes and whatever all else some jackass is bringing for every stinkin' saint's day. But God wants lean, mean missionaries out there doing his work, and it's time to get these ladies in the habit [chuckles to herself] of taking ten minutes a day to cut a little gut."

The Jeffersons

As taping for the third video is getting underway, Mother Angelica is happy to report that she‚s shed two chins and barely tips the scales at a svelte 240 pounds. Cardinal Michael Hunt, head of EWTN, is so happy with the results that he has announced similar plans for Catholic men of the cloth as well. He would not talk specific about plans, but hinted that The Pope himself was in negotiations with Billy Blanks of "Tae-Bo" fame.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Nerraux


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