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By thamike.com
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The Top Ten Most Annoying Things Of 2004

1. Ashlee Simpson Lyp-Synch Hysteria:. For one: if you spell your name with two "e"s at the end, you should be quartered in front of your kin and sold as sausage. For two: never blame the band for the fact that you can't or won't sing;singing being the only job you've ever had.

2. Michael Jackson. What is wrong with this horse-faced, forced albino-head muck-about? I never thought I'd see a pedophile in Nazi garb and cheap Elvis shades jump on top of a limo and wave to an adoring crowd of people who need to be neutered immediately.

3. Tucker Carlson has left the building.

4. Have you noticed that during this whole tsunami debacle, Bush has yet to say "tsunami?" Maybe this doesn't belong here, but think about it. That bastard is afraid to say "tsunami." Perhaps if we disguised the word as a pizza, he'd learn right quick.

Commandments
Forgotten But Not Gone
5. Car bombs. Get a new gig, already. Car bombs are soooo 2004.

6. I thank God, every day, that Martha Stewart is safely behind bars and unable to force those horrible drapery and cranberry vinaigrette tips down my precious throat.

7. Look guys, Dr. Phil is a big fat bastard. He will not be able to council you on weight loss, healthy eating, or scoring lingerie models. This is just the way things are.

8. Where are Saddam and Robert Blake?

9. Abstinence is the way! What the hell happened to the early 90s? Where did all that education go? Now we're back on breeding terms. Great. More of them.

10. I wonder what North Korea's up to this week-end.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika


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