| "You see,
the guy (27-yr. old minister Blake Conrad)
had a lisp going on, and I figured that
my gaydar was dead-on when I saw him
hold the stem of his glass like that,"
Pepperidge told reporters after the
incident, holding up his thumb and forefinger
in a circular (or "faggy",
in Pepperidge's words) motion. "I
thought for sure this fella was a sodomite."
Pepperidge, married with two kids, professed
no intrinsic disdain for homosexuals,
but simply stated to police that he
"could always tell" when he
encountered homosexuals, especially
those who were in the closet. Pepperidge
stated that he often used his gaydar
for "good, not evil", and
offered evidence of times where he'd
helped a closeted gay realize his or
her true nature: "It's my gift,
and it's my curse."
When Pepperidge commented to Conrad
that "I know, and I accept you
in spite of your preferences,"
the other man reportedly looked at him
with a confused expression, unaware
of Pepperidge's gay radar skills. When
Pepperidge went on to say that Conrad
"would certainly have plenty of
luck in the gay scene" in Nashville,
witnesses say that the minister threw
his drink in Pepperidge's face and angrily
denied that he was a "sissy"
in a high-pitched lilt that was characterized
by Conrad's ability to say words with
"s". Things slowly devolved
from there.
Talking to police (who arrived on the
scene after Pepperidge slugged Conrad
and the two began fighting across the
bar), Conrad confirmed that he "had
thoughts" about going gay, but
that those had been during the mid-nineties,
when he was "confused" and
"not in the cloth". Conrad,
who leads the congregation at the Sacred
Fathers Temple of Unfilthiness in nearby
Franklin, TN., told police that he was
involved with an "out of town"
girlfriend, but could not produce any
pictures of the woman. At this time,
police are taking him at his word.
The incident has left Pepperidge, meanwhile,
on a less-than-solid footing. Shaken
by his apparently mistaken gaydar readings,
the Knoxville native is considering
a tune-up for his bearings; so as he
can realize how he could have misread
Conrad's sexual orientation.
"I just hope I can get this here
corrected, before I taint someone with
a brush they just don't deserve,"
Pepperidge told this reporter. "I
bear no ill will towards Mr. Conrad
and his extensive collection of male
erotica from the fifties, and I pray
that he will forgive my misreading.
He's a good man; he spends so much time
with the boy's soccer team. I don't
know how I could've confused him as
a homo. With that kind of power comes
great responsibility. I didn't get that
until just now.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trev Danger, Gaydar Expert (Not that
There's Anything Wrong With It)
|
