RENO, Nevada - The plot of a low-budget adult film entitled Last of The Muff divers is apparently too distracting for anyone to enjoy the nude sex scenes, according to local video clerk David Farren.

Farren, 29, the third-shift manager at the Naughty Nurse Video Gallery, had taken the new release home with the intention of writing a review for his webzine Better Cums and Hard-ons, but says that the plot of the film was too silly and hard to follow for him to fully enjoy the all-female love scenes.

When I got it home, I expected some sort of 'Last of The Mohicans' knock-off, Farren told reporters Tuesday. But instead, it's some sort of sci-fi bullshit, in which the main lead is some sort of space alien sent to earth to 'lesbianize' all the women. I mean, is 'lesbianize' even a word?

Farren says that the film devolved early on into various scenes of running from the lesbian alien, and very little time paid to the actual 'takeover' that involved oral sex. I was thoroughly disappointed.

The film, recorded between March 30th and 31st of this year, stars Donna DeLicko as the title Muff diver, who lands in what looks like downtown Milwaukee and proceeds to lure various young women to join her lesbian creed. Farren admits while the plot was too much at times, too over-the-top even for a porno, the sex scenes were mildly interesting.

Vivid Videos, who backed the production, said in a written statement that they were unaware that any problems with the plot would take away from a viewer's 'enjoyment' of the sex scenes, but has promised to look into the possibility of releasing a uncomplicated version of the film sometime before Christmas.

The film had been through several re-writes, according to screenwriter Vince Greasio. We weren't really sure if the sex scenes came in naturally enough. I mean, who has sex with someone they just met, who is wandering around downtown Milwaukee in a negligee during winter? But we apparently went too far in our quest for realism.

Farren, however, disputes Greasio's claims. It's a porno, for God's sake. The main character is always supposed to be getting it on with strangers. That's where the appeal lies, not with some crap about 'The Enchanted Crystal of Sappho' or allusions to existentialism. I'm a college grad, but even I had trouble keeping up with the symbolism!

Farren plans to write a scathing review of Muff divers, but he is optimistic about the next film he's picked to review (Cat woman Unleashed, an x-rated take on the current film Napoleon Dynamite). He told this reporter that only time will tell, but I do feel I can get the synth soundtrack (of 'Muff Divers') out of my head by the end of the day. It'll all be okay.

Written & Submitted by
Trev Danger, Resident Pervert (And That's Saying Something)