Faux-Newz
Now...
More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
C1
\ Ronald Reagan Beats Smarty Jones At The Belmont, Dies Shortly After

BELMONT PARK, NY - In one of the weirdest sports stories this century, Smarty Jones' bid for coveted Triple Crown was foiled Saturday by none other than Ronald Reagan .

Heading into the stretch of the 136th Belmont Stakes, Smarty Jones was in the clear and eternal glory was beckoning. Another 400 yards and he would join the thoroughbred pantheon. But Reagan, a long shot & late entry to the race came on steadily, and suddenly Smarty began to look weary. There would be no Triple Crown winner Saturday at Belmont Park.

Reagan , who has been suffering from a long bout with Alzheimer’s apparently forgot who or what he was and ran the race of this era. Nothing has been seen like this since Seabiscuit beat War Admiral in a match race over 60 years ago.

Reagan
Reagan Comes On Strong To
Overcome Smarty Jones' Lead
To Win The Belmont Stakes

Reagan had Smarty Jones in his sights, and 11 strides from the wire went by the Kentucky Derby-Preakness winner en route to a length victory before a crowd of 120,139, the largest ever to see a sporting event in New York. For the first time in nine career starts, Smarty Jones didn't win, and for the 26th consecutive year, no 3-year-old swept the spring classics.

After the race was over, the Former President died from exhaustion and complications from Alzheimer’s.

President G.W. Bush was quoted as saying, "Our great country was wowed one second and devastated the next. To see a 92-year-old man think he was a horse and beat the Triple Crown favorite is something you'll never see again. For that man to die shortly thereafter is devastating to this country and the horse racing world. This certainly is the land of confusion. Former President Reagan certainly will be missed."

In a related story, the entire town of Philadelphia committed mass suicide shortly after the race. Smarty Jones, a Philadelphia native had yet again disappointed a city whose sports teams simply cannot win the big one.

Before slitting his wrist, Dave Morchant a Philly native said, "You get behind these teams or horses in this case, you expect to finally win the big one and in the end you get nothing. The streets of the city of brotherly love with run red with the blood of a city sick of being continual losers".

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tha Mike


© 2004 faux-newz.com - Fabricated News For The Less Than Holy!
Terms of Service: All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners.
Text comments posted on Tha Mike may not be reposted or broadcasted without mentioning faux-newz.com as the source.
C2
   
C4 C3