Trio
Creates New Stupid Sub-Genre
Known more for the sounds of
digital hardcore, Skeeter Crushkill
and nwodtleM have decided to
throw away their laptops in
favour of acoustic guitars.
Realizing that cutting edge
electronic music is not progressive
enough, they've decided to change
their sound to emoTronica. "Hey,
a guy has to pay his bills and
digital hardcore just doesn't
pull the weight it used to.
It is obvious people want emo",
laments nwodtleM. Having traded
the crying drones of digital
noize with a more natural whine
of urgency and pure monosalavic
emotion, this trio is learning
from scratch how to master the
art of complaining about how
beautiful their ex girlfriend's
were. And they seem to be doing
a good job of it too.
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| "We kind of drifted
into the digital hardcore scene years
ago, like a lost puppy. Since then we
always thought something was missing ;
something that we couldn’t possibly
express through ring modulation or grain
delay oscillator drum rolls", explains
Skeeter. It might be a long hard road
to acceptance within the pretentious emo
scene itself, and although they may not
have the complacent self-righteous "emo
look", it's a road these three are
willing to complain about at length, in
traditional emo style. |
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People
Of Communist China Still Upset
Over Oppressive Government,
But At Least They Still Have
Electricity
The people of the Republic of
China are wary , tired and depressed
over the highly oppressive nature
of their long-time ruling communist
government. However , many are
glad that even though they must
work for the “common good”
as well as having virtually
no freedom ( economic or otherwise
) , they at least have the simple
luxury of electricity.
“Many of my friends were
shot dead in various worker
protests over the years. It
makes me very sad to live in
this kind of society , but at
least I can sit back during
my government-imposed 'rest
time' and watch the state-controlled
television.” exclaimed
Keith Lui , a common factory
worker in Beijing.
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Islamic
Cleric Rebel Extreme Fundamental
Terrorist
Cult Fascist Leader Dies From
Lack Of Happiness
MANILA,
Philippines - The
Moro Islamic Liberation Front
(MILF), which recently agreed
to resume stalled peace talks
with the Philippine government,
has announced that the leader
of the Muslim separatist group
has died from an overabundance
of sadness.
" Recently , when we were
planning our latest string of
terrorist bombings aimed at
destabilizing the Philippine
government , Salamat seemed
distant , as if he was occupied
by something. It was only later
that I realized he had lost
his passion for life,"
said Ghadzali Jaafar, a vice
chairman of the group.
"I should have noticed
when there was no more twinkle
in his eye."
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Saddam's
Secret Straightedge Son , Killed
Saddam's secret son that no
one knew about until now , has
been found shot dead.
“Jerry” Hussein
was among the less prominent
offspring of the recently captured
Dictator.
He is said to be fond of bananas,
videos games with turtles in
them , and pine cones.
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Written by Faux-Newz
Staff Writer
Crushkill
www.crushkill.com
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