Recall the recall? The budget
fiasco? Ever since Arnold
Schwarznegger showed Gray Davis the
back door, there was a feeling that
something momentous would change.
The Golden State is 50 Billion dollars
in debt, the largest on record
anywhere. But the day of reckoning
has finally arrived. The Governator
finally demonstrated his dramatic appeal
as he explained how he will close the
gap between revenue and spending.
On this longest of days, the smoke cleared
and the white hot knife of fiscal sanity
has been revealed. At last, here
is what his fellow conservative Republicans
proudly call “the master plan
from the man from Austria!”
The plan in a nutshell is this:
The state has an antiquated law that
says, get this, stray pets such as dog
or cat get 6 days in an animal shelter
before they must be adopted or destroyed.
That’s almost an entire week by
some estimates and the price of domestic
kibble has been climbing like a hippy
on a redwood.
So if someone, anyone really, could
find a way to save on wasted Alpo and,
excuse me, Friskies Buffet, the long
fiscal nightmare might finally end.
Who better than The Terminator to rescue
the day by terminating the very puppies,
guppies and kittens that might otherwise
bleed the state dry? Yes, the
Governor himself, announced that, “stray
animals will have to be adopted in three
days or face California’s avenging
angel of death . . . in the last
and final confrontation.”
Dressed in his gas mask and super-sized
lab coat, the pumped-up chief executive
strode boldly out to the podium, and
in his classic, Teutonic style, said,
“It’s over, Rover!”
Pity, Pity, little kitty! You
and your little cage mates won’t
beee baaaaack!!! Cutting state
expenses in half is the medicine we
need.
A reporter asked, “How much cash
is actually wasted per day, per pet,
such as a confused Chihuahua, for example?”
The governor’s aides quickly circled
him with calculators and palm pilots
in hand. Then he slowly turned
back to the daring reporter. “I
can’t stand here and give you
the petty little details about every
little Labby and Tabby,” his mouth
dripping with sarcasm and projectile
spittle. “My plan has the
potential to save the people of this
state FOURTEEN MILLION dollars in just
one year. Listen to me now.
There are too many of lazy, useless
freeloaders in this state, but now their
days are truly numbered. See what
I’m saying?”
“Yes,” the reporter said,
“but the 14 million dollars is
less than one hundredth of one percent
of the shortfall.”
"You people make me sick. I’m
not here to fiddle with little numbers
like that. You do the Math!”
the governor replied forcefully.
And suddenly he turned and was gone.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Lyle Graham
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