LOS
ANGELES, CA - In
an effort to combat waning health
club membership, last year Bally’s
health club in Hollywood, CA
introduced the bizarre and risque'
"strip-aerobics".
With hopes of following on that
success, Bally’s today
announced a new “Pornorobics”
to mixed comments from critics.
"We figured, hey, we’ve
already got people naked,"
explained Jim Wankford, director
of the Hollywood Bally’s,
"This is just the next
logical step. Besides, we’re
in Hollywood. Most of the people
signing up for the class are
going to need these skills to
land their next job. Just look
at the graduates of our prototype
class: Beyonce Knowles, Mandy
Moore, Clint Howard. Okay, I
think Clint just took the class
so he could get laid, but the
other two have no visible talent
whatsoever, and just look at
their careers." Knowles
and Moore were unavailable for
comment.
Knowles
& Moore "The
secret of our
success."
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We asked
Bunni, one of the Pornorobics
students what
she thought of the class.
"Oh, I love it! I had
a little trouble choosing
a class partner at first,
but when I found out we
switch
every week, I started loving
it."
When asked if this was another
fad workout trend that they
intended to take nationwide,
Bally’s executives said
they could see this spreading
like a hooker’s legs.
Soon everyone from Mormons
to Midwest housewives will
be able to hone their skills
while toning their bodies.
In a related story, Bally’s
has announced plans to renovate
the exercise classrooms of
every one of their health
clubs nationwide. Each renovated
classroom will include double-thick
padding under the carpet,
twenty strategically positioned
cameras, and K-Y dispensers
on each wall.
Also in related news, Bally’s
has recently registered the
HealthClubGangBang.com domain
and inked a deal with Full
Frontal Productions to manage
the new site.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Nerraux
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