Dr. Steven Hawking, renowned astrophysicist and author of the bestseller "A Brief History of Time," was attacked by several men as he made his way back to his hotel from a symposium on black hole theory, Tuesday evening.

According to the Prague City Police department, Hawking dragged the three men into a local precinct office and dumped them, "bloodied and humiliated, in the lobby where the muggers practically begged to be arrested for their crime", said PCPD spokesperson Undlrte Rascighfr.

"They had a taste of what I got and then learned the full motherfucking flavor, when they tested me. Like all bitches who attack in packs, they was nothing but PUSSIES" Hawking, who is widely thought to be the finest mind of his generation, said in a statement Wednesday morning: "I had to drag them to the cops and make them pay. We live in a society of law and blatant lawlessness needs to be met with staunch resistance at all costs."