Faux-Newz
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More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
C1

As I was returning from a flight from the west coast, I suddenly felt that agonizing pressure in my lower torso that we have all felt and feared. You know the feeling. I had to drop a load big time. I had to go grow a tail. Add the fact that earlier in the day, I ate a 2 bowls of Fruit& Fiber and drank a few cups of coffee for breakfast. I might as well have just ate Super Colon Blow that morning.

As the flight continued, I felt more and more pressure building up. I started fidgeting around in my chair and my lady, “Smiley” said, “What’s the matter baby?” 
 
I looked at her with an uncomfortable smile and said, “Nothing at all. I’m fine.” She wouldn’t let it go, though. She kept on me. Now, at this time, most of the people on the plane were either reading or sleeping. It was very quiet.

Again she asked, and again I said to her, “Nothing.”  The fact that she kept pestering me about this was breaking my concentration on holding in my next arrival/departure, and I almost soiled myself.

Thankfully, I just let out one small fart which relieved some of the pain, for the time being. My lady said to me, “Oh, do you have gas? I think I have some GasX in my purse.”

As she went to look, I told her I didn’t have gas, but that I had to go worse than ever in my life. She looked at me and laughed and said, “Why don't you just go to the bathroom and go?”

I said, “I can’t.”

She said, “Why not? You just said you had to go.”

I said, “I do, I just can’t.”

She said, “Are you constipated?”

With the pain and discomfort I was feeling, I couldn't take her any longer.

I screamed, “I CAN'T SHIT IN PUBLIC!  OK?!?”

Needless to say, everyone on the plane had heard this and was now staring at me. I was never so embarrassed in my entire life. I decided at that moment, the only thing I could do to escape their prying
eyes was to go to the plane lavatory. While I was in there I just decided, “What the hell?”  I pulled down my pants and let loose one doozy of a fecal offering to the plastic savior which was the toilet.

I felt so much better, I didn't care about any embarrassment or what anyone thought, I wiped, zipped up, smiled in the mirror and walked back to my seat. As I did, I noticed that people were back to their own business.

I sat down, kissed the cheek of my disgusted & embarrassed lover and let out a sigh of relief. I looked over at her and said, sometimes a good poop is all you need to make your day go better.

Needless to say, she didn't talk to me the rest of the trip.

However I thought back to my trip from the bathroom to my seat, and I could swear I heard someone clap softly for my achievement.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor


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