you know what that means, white folks!
That's right! It's that special day
that you can spend feeling guilty for
something you didn't do. And if your
name is James Earl Ray...Well you're
fucked anyway, pal. Here's ten things
you middle class honkies can do to spruce
up your MLK day:
1. Hug all the black
people you see today, even if they are
armed. No wimpy hug, either. Throw in
that mid-hug squeeze for extra
2. Paint yourself up
a la Al Jolson and introduce yourself
as Pickaninny Pete. Use a megaphone
3. Stand on the corner of Martin
Luther King Jr. Boulevard with buckets
of free chicken and gravy. Wear a sheet
on your head. I'll see you in August!
That's when the bones should heal.
4. Preface every statement
you make with "I have a dream.."
Like "I have a dream...that you
are the designated driver tonight."
or "I have a dream...that you'll
let me go with only a fine this time,
5. Wear a lot of Malcolm
X related clothing. Wrong day? Well
pardon me all to hell.
6. Confront your local
grocer. Tell him that you are tired
of being put down. You are tired of
the oppression. Demand "crunch-tastic
7. Watch "Roots".
Don't be a pussy. Watch the whole thing.
I don't care if that ruins your plans
for the evening.
8. It’s time
for that annual call to Colin Powell!
Remind him that Harry Belafonte is a
jackass. "You're not really the
white man's puppet, Mr. Powell. Happy
Martin Luther King Day." He'll
9. Drive to a synagogue.
Blast Gospel music at the rabbis. Crank
it up. Get a sub-woofer if needed.
10. Don't show this
list to any black people. None whatsoever.
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer