|
The reported messing-with is said to
have occurred during the week of the
Democratic Convention in Boston, and
may have been spurred by surges in presidential
candidate John Kerry's poll standings
over local boy George W. Bush. According
to unidentified sources, a "whole
mess" of Oklahomans crossed the
border in pickup trucks sometime after
midnight on July 26 and proceeded to
Dallas, where the "messing-with"
may or may not have involved the consumption
of Wild Turkey and naked games of Twister.
The specifics are unclear as of press
time, but sources close to Texas are
confident some form of punishment can
be brought against the parties responsible.
"We know that our neighbors are
familiar with the motto 'Don't Mess
with Texas', but apparently they didn't
take it to heart," Wheatley said.
"If you mess with us, you gonna
get your ass handed to you in a sling."
Some early reports attributed the messing-with
to Mexico or Missouri, and a report
citing Chicago as the "messer"
circulated before being discredited
as too unlikely (a single city messing
with an entire state is unprecedented
in American history).
"We think the whole thing is tied
to the age-old 'Panhandle Affair', when
Oklahoma took that little sliver of
land that rightfully belonged to Texas,"
historian Jack Artimus Hancock wrote
in the 'Austin State Ledger'. "Texas
has a right to share a border with Colorado,
and Oklahoma knows it. Their messing
with us is further proof of their lack
of character."
Oklahoma has not remained silent, however;
the state governor (Billy Joe Cyrus,
no relation to Billy Ray) has called
for the state's National Guard ("all
two of 'em") to be ready at the
border to hold off a Texan attack, and
the legislature ("all two of 'em")
voted this week not to turn over the
alleged perpetrators of the messing-with
to Texas.
At press time, Walker, Texas Ranger
was out in the desert receiving guidance
from his faux-Indian spiritual guide
on how to best resolve the situation.
Expect a series of hokey karate fights,
with a heartwarming but utterly meaningless
coda to the episode.
Written
& Submitted by
Trev Danger - Stuck in Memphis with the Mobile Blues
Again
(or Just Hungover and Making This Shit
Up)
|
