You know I've always
been honest with you, Dick, Bush began,
and times have been tough...
No shit, Sherlock, Cheney angrily responded,
before hurling a potted plant against
the wall and knocking over a bust of
Whoa, Dick...have you been drinking?
Just a little, Cheney replied (Secret
Service agents confirmed the strong
aroma of whiskey on the Vice-President's
breath, as well as a large stain on
his shirt from the barbecue ribs he'd
had for lunch that day).
Bush moved over to console Cheney, who
was now openly weeping. There, there,
the President said in gentle tones,
you know how I feel about you and me,
Cheney broke away from the embrace.
You don't mean that!, he yelled, and
proceeded to stumble into the bookshelf
to his right. You're just saying that
to keep me happy!
Bush tried to calm Cheney down. Yes,
I'm saying that, but I mean it. Look
into my eyes, Dick, and you'll see that
Cheney, sobbing against the wall on
his sleeve, turned around with red eyes.
You don't mean that.
Yes, yes I do, Bush replied. Remember
when everybody warned me against choosing
you, how they said you were 'Heart-Attack
Dick', and how your shady business conditions
would cast a bad light on my administration.
But I knew there was something about
you that I just couldn't ignore.
Cheney smiled a bit. Really?
I knew it from the moment we met. You
and I just had a bond that no one could
even try to understand. I knew it would
be a struggle, that you'd push me away
if things got too serious for you. But
sometimes, Dick, there's a thing that
comes along, that feels so right, that
you have to fight for it. You can't
live your whole life running and hiding
from what we have, Dick. I need you...
Bush paused here for effect, then ...you
complete me, and I...
Cheney, again weeping but much more
cheery than before, held up his hand.
“Stop it, just stop,” he
cried. “You had me at 'hello'...you
had me at 'hello!’”
The two men then embraced and shared
a good cry. Cheney emerged from the
Oval Office some thirty minutes after
storming into the room, arms locked
together with the President.
The meeting seems to have mended the
relationship between Bush and Cheney,
which was contentious at the beginning
of the week when the President was seen
holding hands with Senator John McCain.
This had caused a flurry of angry e-mails
from the Vice-President, but at last
report Cheney had apologized for his
behavior with a dozen roses and a romantic
tour of the battleground around Fallujah.
In related news, Attorney General John
Ashcroft and his longtime companion
Tom Ridge are in a lover's spat, according
to Washington gossipers.
& Submitted by
Washington Correspondent (It's a Living)