More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
Bush To Cheney: "You Complete Me"

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Upset over media reports speculating that he would be dropped from President Bush's re-election ticket, a tearful Dick Cheney confronted his boss in the Oval Office on Friday and asked, Is it true that you're thinking of leaving me for someone else?

President Bush was in the middle of a meeting with his National Security Advisor, Condeleeza Rice, and was just getting his tie back on when Cheney burst in unexpectedly. Rice, her hair disheveled, was ushered out the door as Bush asked his bodyguards to give Cheney and himself some 'me' time, fellas.

Behind closed doors, Cheney broke down and began imploring if media reports about a new vice-presidential nominee were true. What about us, George? Didn't we have some good times together? Are you really so cruel as to dump me and not even tell me face to face?, he asked, according to transcripts from the White House's secret audio recorder.

The President Said To Cheney In Gentle
Tones," You Know How I Feel
About You And Me"

You know I've always been honest with you, Dick, Bush began, and times have been tough...

No shit, Sherlock, Cheney angrily responded, before hurling a potted plant against the wall and knocking over a bust of Ronald Reagan.

Whoa, Dick...have you been drinking? Bush asked.
Just a little, Cheney replied (Secret Service agents confirmed the strong aroma of whiskey on the Vice-President's breath, as well as a large stain on his shirt from the barbecue ribs he'd had for lunch that day).
Bush moved over to console Cheney, who was now openly weeping. There, there, the President said in gentle tones, you know how I feel about you and me, about us.

Cheney broke away from the embrace. You don't mean that!, he yelled, and proceeded to stumble into the bookshelf to his right. You're just saying that to keep me happy!

Bush tried to calm Cheney down. Yes, I'm saying that, but I mean it. Look into my eyes, Dick, and you'll see that it's true.

Cheney, sobbing against the wall on his sleeve, turned around with red eyes. You don't mean that.

Yes, yes I do, Bush replied. Remember when everybody warned me against choosing you, how they said you were 'Heart-Attack Dick', and how your shady business conditions would cast a bad light on my administration. But I knew there was something about you that I just couldn't ignore.

Cheney smiled a bit. Really?

I knew it from the moment we met. You and I just had a bond that no one could even try to understand. I knew it would be a struggle, that you'd push me away if things got too serious for you. But sometimes, Dick, there's a thing that comes along, that feels so right, that you have to fight for it. You can't live your whole life running and hiding from what we have, Dick. I need you...

Bush paused here for effect, then ...you complete me, and I...

Cheney, again weeping but much more cheery than before, held up his hand. “Stop it, just stop,” he cried. “You had me at 'hello'...you had me at 'hello!’”

The two men then embraced and shared a good cry. Cheney emerged from the Oval Office some thirty minutes after storming into the room, arms locked together with the President.

The meeting seems to have mended the relationship between Bush and Cheney, which was contentious at the beginning of the week when the President was seen holding hands with Senator John McCain. This had caused a flurry of angry e-mails from the Vice-President, but at last report Cheney had apologized for his behavior with a dozen roses and a romantic tour of the battleground around Fallujah.

In related news, Attorney General John Ashcroft and his longtime companion Tom Ridge are in a lover's spat, according to Washington gossipers.

Written & Submitted by
Trev Danger
Washington Correspondent (It's a Living)

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