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By thamike.com
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Crushkill Quickies

Father Lazily Builds Train Set

Father of 3 , Harold Edmonds , has been interested in throwing together a train set for some time.
 
"Ever since my wife had those kids , I’ve been too busy working and paying the bills to really care about this passion of mine for shitty train sets."
 
The set itself , is basically unstationed plastic cars and copper railroad tracks that can be placed in any position within minutes.

Train Set
"I consider myself a class C train hobbyist."
 
Self-classification is rare among the train hobbyist's consortium of self-regulating peer groups.
 
Then again , so is Harold.
 
"I ate my own shit when I was 4 years old , and ever since then I’ve had low expectations of myself."

Fans Who Held A Vigil For Michael Jackson
Were Unaware He Is A Pedophile

TORONTO (CP) - Michael Jackson fans gathered in cities across Canada on Saturday to burn candles and wave placards in support of the embattled megastar.
 
"I've been a fan for 20 years," said Erick Heikurinen, 30, at a rally in a downtown Toronto square. "Michael is a good person, a kind-hearted person who is just too honest sometimes."
 
When confronted by the media, no-one knew what Jackson was actually charged with, or the fact that these accusations weren‚t the first of their kind.

Fans

"Child molestation? fucking christ , this is the last time my wife talks me into this shit!", exclaimed a visibly upset vigil-holder.
 
"All I know is , Michael better get a good shotgun so he can blow himself a prettier face."

Editors note: the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of Jesus Christ and his ritualistic cult


Annual Mickey Rooney Remembrance Day

Like most of us , Mickey Rooney came out of his mother’s vagina. His parents eventually molded him and transformed an innocent 18 month old baby into the money making box office industrial work powerhouse money machine box office smash he is today.
 
Later on in life with his balls worth more than some small countries , he would take on the stage and TV in a megalomaniac storm frenzy , with lightning and tornadoes and mighty gods invented by bored gay men in robes.
 
Eight wives and scores of movie roles and TV appearances later , we can all look back on the Mickster's life and say : "we remember you for Black Beauty. Everything else was shit."

Rooney

Ravers Effectively Speciating Into Extinction

Much like the finch‚s speciation on the Galapagos Islands, the common raver is also speciating through a process deemed by scientists as "Chemical Selection".
 
Similar to Natural Selection, Chemical Selection is the result of constantly exposing the brain to certain psychotropic 'designer' drugs such as Ecstasy, MDMA and Ketamine.
 
Although Chemical Selection occurs much faster than other evolutionary adaptations, it can be compared to the evolution of pesticide resistance in insect populations; The insects with a chromosome containing the gene conferring resistance to insecticide effectively survives the pesticide spray, in the context of man-made chemicals causing an evolutionary reaction.
 
Many of the speciating traits are smaller brains, short attention spans, as well as loss of saliva, bladder and smile control.

Raver
Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Crushkill

www.crushkill.com

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