Les Traskner, a sociological psychiatrist from Navel, Georgia, says that people are not getting any more creative with the items they want to improve in their lives, just more creative with ways to avoid guilt from completely ignoring these increasingly bizarre resolutions. “I mean, drinking less takes some people real effort, and sometimes shows no positive results.

Learning more about drug policy might be a lofty goal, but it's easy to do nothing at all to learn about drug policy, make up a bunch of phony statistics, and act like you know what you're talking about. There is no risk in that resolution”.

Randy Reddy, a self-styled “Life-Achievement Facilitator” from Happy Beach, Florida, has a different opinion. He thinks that these new kinds of resolutions are a sign of hope for the future. “These are creative, dynamic people who really feel that they can be Renaissance men and women, with many interests and a broad field of accomplishments”, He said enthusiastically, “I applaud these bold, visionary Americans”.

John Roaker, a contractor from Wayland, Texas has a more down-to-Earth view. “These guys are full of shit. If you think your life can be fixed by changing one thing once a year, you're way more screwed up than you think. Grow up and make changes in your life when you need to or kill yourself and save some resources for the rest of us. Sweet Jesus”

A follow-up poll will be conducted with the same subjects in February to see how they fared in keeping these new and unusual resolutions.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tom Cox