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By thamike.com
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Tri-Star Pictures to Release Groundbreaking “No Oldies” Romantic Comedy

Tri-Star Pictures of Burbank, CA has announced that filming has begun on the first motion picture to disregard the long-standing “Scene Where The Characters Dance Around To a Beloved Classic Rock Song” rule that has dominated the “romantic comedy”, “warm family dramedy”, ”funny action”, and “feel good movie of the year” genres for many years.
 
The film reportedly stars Hugh Grant and Kyra Sedgwick as Manhattan restaurant critics whose professional rivalry belies their hot romantic attraction. Joan Cusack is slated to support as the “wacky friend” and Brian Cox will be the “old actor desperate for an Oscar at the twilight of his career”, playing Grant's curmudgeonly father, a postal worker.
(Editor’s note: Brian Cox does deserve an Oscar.  Like 12 of them.)
 
The working title for the film is “Last Door on the Left” and it is slated for release Easter weekend.
 
While all these elements are required by Hollywood to be in every romantic comedy, there is one glaring omission: There will be no scenes in which a recognizable oldie will be played while the characters dance, notice each other's cute peccadilloes, or desperately search the city for one another to declare their undying love.
 
“We are actually going for a completely orchestral score. There will be no pop music tie-ins whatsoever” said Richard Rozenstienburg, VP of project development at Tri-Star: “There has not been a movie, with the exception of sci-fi, fantasy, or so-called “independents” since The Big Chill that has not featured one of these types of scenes, and we think it's time for a change.”
 
Other Tinseltown luminaries are not so confident: production legend Jerry Bruckheimer simply laughs at the mere mention of such a concept. “Audiences will have no pivot, no anchor to keep the story real and grounded without an oldie scene. This concept is doomed to failure, I'm sorry to say.”
 
The prevailing wisdom is that only time will tell whether this groundbreaking, bold creative decision will bear fruit or wither on the vine: Tri-Star is betting on a lot of fruits.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tom Cox

(Editor’s note: As of press time, Tri-Star informed Faux-Newz that they also intend to completely eradicate the “Work Montage,” in which the main characters clumsily build some object, i.e. boat, gazebo, etc., that they’ve been procrastinating on, to an uplifting soundtrack.  Future plans to get rid of  “The Wacky Shopping Montage” and “The Training For The Big Event Montage” were also discussed.)


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