Cochran came out with this new line of defense a day after he met with Red Cross officials and was told of his client’streatment. Apparently Hussein, who hadn’t met Cochran at this time, had been forced to watch reruns of Comedy Central’s “South Park” repeatedly for the past three months. “South Park” is a crudely animated series known for its vulgarity and especially for its constant parodying of the former Iraqi dictator.

“He doesn’t even make sense anymore,” said a Red Cross worker who wished to remain anonymous. “I ask him how he’s doing and he says things like ‘so why don’t we shut the light off and get close, huh.’” With a look of defeat, she added, “He doesn’t even touch his muffins anymore. He just keeps mumbling about Liza Minelli’s red ass and sobbing into a little soft hanky he keeps in his pocket. He even let his plants die.”

“This is an atrocity,” Cochran added. “This man is not the war criminal. The U.S. Government, along with the brainwashing machine that is the duo of Trey Parker and Matt Stone are the real criminals, and I intend to make sure justice prevails.”

Hussein is being held in an undisclosed location. As of press time, Mr. Parker and Mr. Stone were unavailable.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Russell Paika