More Than Ever Before.
By thamike.com
Kesiter Family Tired Of Being Butt Of Jokes

LIVONIA, MI. - Ron and Linda Keister of Livonia have filed a civil suit against their next door neighbor Tim Dryzinski. The Keisters are seeking $175,000 in damages from Mr. Dryzinski, charging that he has ignored "repeated requests to stop making fun of us because of our last name."
The Keisters allege that Mr. Dryzinski's constant ridicule—"he even named his new Doberman Fanny Keister"—has resulted in their "loss of stature in the community." The Keisters are especially concerned about the effects of Mr. Dryzinski's cheekiness on their children: Lauren and Ron Jr.
"Imagine having to explain to your eight-year-old daughter why her classmates are always asking her to play pin the tail on the Keister," said a tearful Mrs. Keister. "Thankfully Ron Jr. is only two, but I don't want him going through what Lauren has."

Secret Ham-Corder Photo
Of Linda Keister By
Tim Dryzinski

According to the Keisters, Mr. Dryzinski began harassing them on New Year's Day 2004 when he left a message on their answering machine asking if Ron Keister wanted to come over to watch the toilet bowl on Mr. Dryzinski's 48-inch plasma screen.
"Since then," said Mr. Keister, an accountant with Toomer and Roth, "Dryzinski hasn't missed an opportunity to tell people that we're addicted to crack or that our favorite beer is Heiniekin or that our favorite dance is the can-can. He even held a Keister egg hunt for neighborhood children last year.
"The final straw came at Dryzinski's Christmas party," said Mr. Keister. "He promised not to make fun of us, so we went. Then, as soon as we got there, he said, ‘Hey, everybody, the assholes from next door are here.' When I reminded him of his promise, he laughed and said that he had been speaking tongue in cheek."
Mr. Dryzinski, a self-employed tattoo artist, reacted to the Keisters' suit with a shrug. "I think they're really making asses of themselves," he deadpanned. "They won't get anywhere giving me the bum's rush. They've got to learn to put their sensitivity behind them."
Judd Zimmerman, the attorney representing Mr. Dryzinski, argues that the Keisters "could make this all go away" if they would simply alter the pronunciation of their last name.
"I wrote to their lawyer last week, suggesting that his clients pronounce their name so that it rhymes with 'blister,'" said Zimmerman. "They refused. They're more interested in salving their wounded pride with my client's money than they are in resolving this issue. That's what's at the bottom of this case."

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Phil Maggitti

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