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Slattery states, "The fact is,
both Al Qaeda and the Bush administration
have dropped the ball on this one. After
September 11, you couldn't go anywhere
without hearing about 'more planned
attacks' or 'possible deterrents to
the terrorists'. The terrorists had
the world's attention, but they choked.
They failed to capitalize on their youth
incentive. The government could've started
hyping the war on terror more, but they
just let it slide after Bin Laden eluded
their butterfingers in Afghanistan."
Officials from the Bush camp wouldn't
comment on the apparent loss of "street
cred", but they did issue a statement
on their website (www.george-w-bush's-america-is-safer-with-him-in-charge.com)
claiming that "the war on terror
is just as hip" as it was before.
Colin Powell said to the press Tuesday
that "the youngsters in America
are hip to what's at stake here. If
the terrorists give us a major beat-down,
they'll lose their right to vote, to
shower, to play their X-Boxes, etc."
The Office of Homeland Security released
a series of ads with Britney Spears
in a see-through g-string, with the
slogan "this is what you're fighting
for!"
Various attempts to make the war on
terror appeal to the young, such as
Ryan Seacrest's exclusive interview
with Saddam Hussein, have failed to
keep the threat of terror on the radar
of most adolescents. In a poll conducted
by Tiger Beat, most teens listed their
current mindset as:
Worry about what other girls are saying
- 56%
Worry if the cute guy in Shop class
is a stalker - 47%
Hope parents buy a "wicked new
ride" for them - 46%
Plan to get drunk at the bitchin' party
next weekend - 39%
Start up a new singing group with their
friends to fill the void left by Destiny's
Child - 25%
Worry about the threat of more terror
attacks - 10%
Plan to use a condom when they finally
snag the captain of the football team
- 0.5%
Clearly terrorism isn't a concern for
modern youth. But the administration
plans to change that.
Tom Ridge said Thursday that plans are
in place to kick the terror alerts up
a notch. Each level will have a corresponding
"soundtrack", a song provided
by today's hottest contemporary artists.
For example, threat level yellow will
be followed by Nelly's "Hot in
Here", while the red threat level
will be accompanied by Uncle Kracker's
"Follow Me". The "upgrades"
are set to take effect mid-September,
in an effort to steal hype from the
planned release of Justin Timberlake's
new album.
Whether or not the "phat beats"
the administration lays down will appeal
to Americans too young to remember Reaganomics
is uncertain. But the Bush camp is betting
a hip-hop duet between their candidate
and Jay Z might seal the deal for four
more years.
"We're really confident that we
can remind young people how 'dope' the
war on terror is," White House
spokesmen Scott McClellan said. "We're
gonna be all about shout-outs to our
niggas out there, giving mad props to
the boys in the trenches, and remembering
why we're drinking home brew. September
11 was the shnizzle, dogg, and the young'uns
need to remember we is all right."
Written
& Submitted by
Trev Danger - Washington Correspondent (It's a Living)
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