And
consider the prestige a language typically
receives when considered 'dead': soon
English will join Latin, Sanskrit, and
Aramaic as secret languages only spoken
by the illuminati. Frightfully posh,
wouldn't you say so?"
Pretiraj Malelu, India's ambassador
to the UN, was livid: "As Mr. Gandhi
said, the only good thing the bloody
goddamn English gave us in all the brutal
years of occupation was a common language,
and now they take it away? Now we have
to go back to our previous situation,
with over 1,400 languages and distinct
dialects. It is certain to aggravate
regional tensions that have been all
but forgotten!! This is a bloody goddamn
disaster!"
The author of the proposal, French UN
Ambassador Jean-Luc Francois Batiste
Dupont defended Sunday's decision: "The
world will be a more peaceful place
with out the swiney Americans and British
gabbing in that nasty, depraved language.
And think of the children: Never will
another child have to learn the differences
between 'there, their, and they're':
never will another teacher have to look
upon another child's confused face as
she explains that the word 'fly' can
mean an irritating insect, a means of
long-distance travel, and a critical
part of men's clothing, all in the same
sentence! Canceling English is just
the kind of progressive move we need
to make in today's world. Things are
confusing enough already."
The Japanese Ambassador, Tetsuo Knead,
was more cryptic. In the effect of wasn't
our known Japan-style roughing, no told
blossom the nature's fate be.
English, spoken daily by over 350 million
people, is considered one of the most
expressive and varied languages in common
usage today.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Tom Cox
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