| With
the long off-season having hit
full stride, the brass at the
North Pole has hit tough financial
times, and, pending arbitration,
could be looking at the loss of
some key Christmas players.
"Donner and Dasher are going
to be hard to keep, I think we
all know that," head elf
Carl "Twinkle-in-the-eye"Elferton
admitted in an afternoon press
conference on Wednesday. He added,
"Prancer, well, I just don't
know..I just...don't know."
As Elferton wiped the cascading
tears from his eyes, Santa Claus,
CEO and chairman of the modern
largely secular Christmas, added
his comments and input. Realistically
we just can't be paying all of
our reindeer in excess of 3 or
4 million dollars, it just isn't
possible.
Donner and Dasher are both asking
for the maximum of $3.75 million
over the next 150 years, with
corporate options for a 151st
and 152nd trip around the world
spreading joy to kids everywhere.
Some sources say the North Pole
is only offering the two $1.75
million apiece. Prancer is asking
for a raise from the minimum of
$250,000 to $1.1 million, which
he has stated through his agent
as being, fair price for
what I do around here.
Complicating matters more is the
recent trade of Alex Rodriguez
to the New York Yankees. He can't
have the Yankees running, I mean
BUYING the show, someone has to
stand up for the small market
team, said Mr. Claus.
The team from the most northern
point in the world is set to pay
some $36 million in base salaries
this year, a low number, but still
well above the spending of teams
like the Montreal Expos and Minnesota
Wild. "I mean, look at Michael
Jackson, you know?" added
worker elf Jim Beauchamp from
the small glacier just to the
west of "the pole.”
Although no one really knew what
he meant, his sentiments were
echoed through the community of
elves, or elves, as they preferred
to be called.
&With a war in Iraq and the
pressing matters in homeland protection,
it's going to be hard to keep
this team together," added
Mr. Claus. When reached for comment,
the newest Yankee, Alex Rodriguez
asked, "What is this 'Christmas,'
and can I buy it?"
Written
And Submitted by
Everythingisayistrue |
