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I have been really annoyed at work lately,
so much I just want to set the place
and everyone in it on fire.
Since I can’t do that I compiled
a list of things that that I have seen
on the web that you could do to annoy
your coworkers.
Enjoy…
*
Learn Morse Code,
and have conversations on the phone
consisting entirely of "Beeeep
Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
* Leave
the copy machine set to reduce 200%,
extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
* Stomp
on little plastic ketchup packets
that you saved from lunch.
* Sniffle incessantly.
* Reply
to everything someone says with
"that's what YOU think."
* Forget the punch
line to a long joke, but assure
the listener it was a "real
hoot."
* Highlight
irrelevant information in scientific
papers and "cc:" them
to your boss.
* Invent
nonsense computer jargon in conversations,
and see if people play along to
avoid the appearance of ignorance.
* Wear a
special hip holster for your cell
phone.
* Do not add any
inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences with
the impression that you'll be saying
more any moment.
* Signal that a
conversation is over by clamping
your hands over your ears.
* Staple papers
in the middle of the page.
* Dress only in
clothes colored Hunter's "Orange".
* Decline to be
seated at a restaurant, and simply
eat standing up.
* TYPE IN UPPERCASE
ONLY.
*type in
lowercase only.
* dont use any
punctuation either
* When you order
lunch pay for it with pennies.
* Tie jingle bells
to all your clothes.
* Repeat everything
someone says, as a question.
* Write "X
- BURIED TREASURE" in random
spots on the road map
* Repeat the following
conversation a dozen times: "Do
you hear that?" "What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
* As much as possible,
skip rather than walk.
* Stand over someone's
shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
* Pretend your
computer mouse is a CB radio and
talk to it.
* Try playing the
William Tell Overture by tapping
on the bottom of your chin. When
nearly done, announce, "No,
wait, I messed it up," and
repeat.
* Hum songs that
will remain lodged in co-workers
brains, such as the Archies "Sugar,
Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme
song.
* While making
presentations, occasionally bob
your head like a parakeet.
* Chew on pens
that you've borrowed.
* Wear a LOT of
cologne.
* Never make eye
contact.
* Never break eye
contact.
* Page yourself
over the intercom. Don't disguise
your voice.
* Find out where
your boss shops and buy exactly
the same outfits. Wear them one
day after your boss does. This is
especially effective if your boss
is of a different gender than you.
* Make up nicknames
for all your coworkers and refer
to them only by these names. "That's
a good point, Sparky." "No,
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have
to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
* Send e-mail to
the rest of the company telling
them exactly what you're doing.
For example: "If anyone needs
me, I'll be in the bathroom."
* Hi-Lite your
shoes. Tell people you haven't lost
them as much since you did this.
* While sitting
at your desk, soak your fingers
in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone
Madge.
* Every time someone
asks you to do something, anything,
ask him or her if they want fries
with that.
* Hang mosquito
netting around your cubicle. When
you emerge to get coffee or a printout
or whatever, slap yourself randomly
the whole way.
* Put a chair facing
a printer. Sit there all day and
tell people you're waiting for your
document.
* Send e-mail back
and forth to yourself engaging yourself
in an intellectual debate. Forward
the mail to a co-worker and ask
her to settle the disagreement.
* Put decaf in
the coffee maker for three weeks.
Once everyone has withdrawn from
caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
* Put your trashcan
on your desk. Label it "IN."
* Feign an unnatural
and hysterical fear of staplers.
* Send e-mail messages
saying there's free pizza or donuts
or cake in the lunchroom. When people
drift back to work complaining that
they found none, lean back, pat
your stomach and say, "Oh you've
got to be faster than that."
* Encourage your
colleagues to join you in a little
synchronized chair dancing. |
These are some that annoy me
personally…
*
Start a conversation
with someone and walk away in the
middle of his or her sentence.
* Act
like you care, when you truly don’t
* Worry
about what everyone else is doing
even though they have nothing to
do with you.
* Find
out something someone does like
working with the lights off or taking
their shoes off under their desks
and bring it up every time you see
them.
* Fart
& Burp constantly, go on with
your duties like nothing has happened.
* Eat
nothing but Hershey kisses and drink
nothing but cola
* Laugh
at your own stupid jokes while no
one else does.
* When
being faced with a problem, moan
and slap your forehead with all
your might for 30 seconds at a time.
* Clear
your throat loudly every 23 seconds.
* Act
like you know what you a doing when
clearly you don’t. |
That is all for now
I suppose…
If you would like to add to this list,
e-mail me at trogdor@thamike.com.
I will post your submissions in my next
column.
Written
by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor
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