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By thamike.com
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Co-Workers

I have been really annoyed at work lately, so much I just want to set the place and everyone in it on fire.

Since I can’t do that I compiled a list of things that that I have seen on the web that you could do to annoy your coworkers.

Enjoy…

* Learn Morse Code, and have conversations on the phone consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

* Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.

* Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets that you saved from lunch.

* Sniffle incessantly.

* Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

* Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

* Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

* Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

* Wear a special hip holster for your cell phone.

* Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

* Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

* Staple papers in the middle of the page.

* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's "Orange".

* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat standing up.

* TYPE IN UPPERCASE ONLY.

*type in lowercase only.

* dont use any punctuation either

* When you order lunch pay for it with pennies.

* Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

* Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on the road map

* Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

* Pretend your computer mouse is a CB radio and talk to it.

* Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

* Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as the Archies "Sugar, Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

* Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

* Wear a LOT of cologne.

* Never make eye contact.

* Never break eye contact.

* Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

* Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

* Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

* Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

* Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

* While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

* Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

* Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

* Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

* Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

* Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

* Put your trashcan on your desk. Label it "IN."

* Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

* Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

* Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

These are some that annoy me personally…

* Start a conversation with someone and walk away in the middle of his or her sentence.

* Act like you care, when you truly don’t

* Worry about what everyone else is doing even though they have nothing to do with you.

* Find out something someone does like working with the lights off or taking their shoes off under their desks and bring it up every time you see them.

* Fart & Burp constantly, go on with your duties like nothing has happened.

* Eat nothing but Hershey kisses and drink nothing but cola

* Laugh at your own stupid jokes while no one else does.

* When being faced with a problem, moan and slap your forehead with all your might for 30 seconds at a time.

* Clear your throat loudly every 23 seconds.

* Act like you know what you a doing when clearly you don’t.

That is all for now I suppose…

If you would like to add to this list, e-mail me at trogdor@thamike.com.

I will post your submissions in my next column.

Written by Faux-Newz Staff Writer
Trogdor


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